FSU ESSAY ("what I would attempt")

For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, and Mores" identify strength, beauty and customs. I believe the word "Vires" has had an impact on my life. Towards the end of my eight-grade year when it came time to choose classes for high school, I remember choosing the classes that would challenge me the most. From my freshman year to my junior year, I've started out in an honor class wherever I could. If the class then became too difficult, I dreaded doing this, but I would move down to regular. Having taken mostly all honors classes in my high school years, I was terrified of Advanced Placement courses. The thing that scared me the most was taking an AP class, and not doing well. Finally, when it came time to choose classes for my final year of high school, I thought about it and talked to my parents and decided I would finally try Advanced Placement. It was a big step. Once I started school in August, I glanced at my schedule and realized I would be completing five AP courses in my senior year. Most students only took five AP courses in their high school career. Teachers could not believe what I would attempt to complete five AP classes when I have never taken one in the first three years of high school. Now, looking back at my decision, I realize that taking these classes was the best thing I could have done to prepare my self for college and represents the strength I've had to do the best I can, which I hope I can continue at Florida State University.

It has to be an essay of under 500 words, I believe it's at 270 words. I think it might be to short.

You might want to add a bit at the start that talks about the link between Vires and choosing advanced courses. Something that tells the reader what the point of your essay is going to be . . . almost like a thesis statement :-). Also, you might want to mention how you did on the AP courses, if you had any initial difficulties, if so, how you overcame them. That sort of thing.

Towards the end of my eighth -grade year...

I also suggest you deal with these three concepts a little more. The point of the essay is to show your understanding of the virtues... Can you take Sean's advice and apply it to each of the three? It's good that you have plenty of room left. Try writing a paragraph for each virtue, telling how you have demonstrated each.

Alternatively, you could add a sentence or two at the beginning of your essay saying that while you believe all three are important, you find Vires to be the most compelling because . . .

This would allow you to focus in more detail on the one example of your taking AP courses, which might be more interesting than having only a handful of sentences each on three separate examples.

The thing that scared me the most was taking an AP class, and not doing well.
No need for a comma here. (above)

Now, looking back at my decision, I realize that taking these classes was the best thing I could have done to prepare myself for college and represents the strength I've had to do the best I can, which I hope I can continue at Florida State University.

:)