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UT Austin Admittance Essay -" Address A Problem"



austenburnsred 1 / 1  
Aug 22, 2012   #1
It's a little scattered, but I believe the main idea is good. I threw it together late last night, so I'd appreciate some input. Thanks guys!

America, as a nation, has grown to be as successful and independent as
it is due to one strong factor: hard work. The earliest generation of
Americans worked tediously just to provide for themselves the necessities
needed to survive. As time went by, and freedom and liberty has been achieved,
people began to labor themselves in order to get things that they desired,
while already being provided the necessities of survival. However, in our
present generation, we have been provided both what we need and what we want,
leaving us with nothing to work for. This has led to a spiraling fall of
productivity in our country's youth, which is one of the most discouraging and
unrecognized problems in our society.

As a member of the very generation that I am referring to, I believe
I've had a front-row seat view of this growing 'tumor' in American teenagers
and children alike. I believe that selfishness, laziness, and an overall lack
of self-motivation are all contributing factors of our failing youth. Now, I
may come across as a bit harsh and over-reactive, but I do so for a reason.
This problem is a problem that will continue to grow until it is too late to
reverse. The hard-work ethics of our forefathers and grandfathers have fallen,
and no one is making an effort to revive such beliefs. Hopefully by spreading
awareness of this problem, I will be able to show our nation that we must put
an end to how children are currently being raised, and how they allowed to grow
to be lazy and inefficient.

I have always been a firm believer that nothing great can be achieved
without hard work and sacrifice. Now, by sacrifice, I don't mean you have to
give up your first-born son or shed the blood of a lamb or any literal meaning
of the word. A 'sacrifice' can be as little as giving up your Saturday nights
to volunteer or work instead of spending time with your friends, as I
personally do. Although I would obviously much rather spend time with my
friends on my weekends, I know that volunteering and working are much more
rewarding in the end. I tend to look ahead when I set my goals, and make
long-term plans with my life. I find this to be an easy way of encouraging
myself to push my abilities productively. Sadly, not many my age are able to
see things this way.

Rather than looking at the long-term side of things, my generation
prefers to 'live for today'. Now, I believe that way of living is important,
but only in moderation. If we lived our lives in a completely narrow-minded
'long-term' vision, then we wouldn't be able to live life to its full
potential. However, today's youth has taken this short-term thinking to an
extreme that has caused more harm than good. I'm sure everyone has heard
enough about how teenagers all drink and smoke and party, which is why nobody
tries to prevent these problems as much anymore. But no one has taken the time
to find the root of these problems. The fact is, teenagers engage in all this
counter-productive activity because they take the short-term lifestyle too
literally. They use it as an excuse to commit all the wrongdoings they can,
instead of the meaning's intended purpose. My generation acts only for
themselves, and selfishly throws away their potential. Even when given
everything that we need and want, we still cannot grasp a sense of
productivity. Yet millions of children all over the world would give anything
for the basic education that we so ignorantly take for granted.

Aside from selfishness, my era of youth has made itself into a mockery
of the "American Dream". The "American Dream" that had jump-started our
country's beliefs was simple: hard work will pay off. If you give your all,
you will succeed in one way or another. Yet we still throw away our
intelligence and potential. The humorous part of this entire problem is that
the most lazy kids are, in fact, the most intelligent. I can admit that I was
one of these kids. I like to believe that I am someone of above average
intelligence, and so does everyone who personally knows me. People who know me
also know that in middle school, I was one of the most lazy kids you would ever
meet. I never did any homework, and I would blow it off until past the due
dates, barely scraping by with D's. Of course, before high school, my dad
encouraged me to mature my habits and take my course work seriously, which I
thankfully did. However, my experience as a lazy middle-schooler has allowed
me to understand how kids feel. They feel too intelligent, almost too good for
their work, which gives them the mentality that they don't even need to do it
themselves. I've had peers, just recently during my Junior year mind you, ask
to copy my work, when I know for a fact that they are more than smart enough to
complete the work themselves. It's embarrassing how lazy and unmotivated the
youth of this generation really are, and sadly, they don't know just how
drastic this problem really is.

I know that some parents have made slight progress in getting rid of
the issue of laziness in their children, but they take it in the wrong
direction. They attempt to create a sense of motivation using false stimuli.
We should be motivated to work hard and succeed in order to better both
ourselves as individuals and our nation as a whole, not because we're offered
ten dollars for every A we receive on our report card. What will become of
these same children when, years from now, they are required to do an extensive
amount of work with no raise or reward of any sort? Well, they simply won't do
the work, or they'll do it half-heartedly. Of course, I'm not saying that
giving children money for good grades is bad at all, but relying on this as a
way of motivation is an incomplete way of thinking and parenting.

So what happens in the next five to ten years, when kids my age
become the next generation of adults and parents? What happens when the United
States of America is left in the hands of the "party" generation? Well, these
are questions that I would frankly prefer not to know the answers to. My
generation needs to wake up from its childish dreamworld, and realize what
exactly it's throwing away. Not only are we throwing away our potential and
intellectual resources, but we're throwing away the very future of American
society. I hope that I, as well as the few other productive teens of this
society, can bring this issue to light, before it's too late.

MrAndy1 1 / 7  
Aug 22, 2012   #2
The main idea is good, essentially: today's generation given everything, doesn't have to work hard, large negative impact; reason 1,2,3 etc - it's very clear and I like the idea.

However, you bring up your specific problem and explain it well, but you don't do anything to really "address" it. What would a solution be? How could we lessen this problem a bit? I'm not sure of the exact prompt for the essay, but I assume when they say "address" they want you to add in something about a suggested solution, i.e. how would YOU go about solving this problem?

The whole essay is a critique, no answers.

The grammar is pretty good overall, later tonight I could get around to fixing some of it if you'd like.
Try to add in a little bit about a solution/ fix and trim up the description of the problem a tad. I'll check back in later, best of luck my friend!
OP austenburnsred 1 / 1  
Aug 22, 2012   #3
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

That's the official essay prompt. Should I still try to explain a solution?

And yes, your right about my lack of addressing it. That's what my dad was telling me earlier. I would definitely appreciate it if you could help fix it up in whatever way you can. I'll spend all of today brainstorming how to add a solution while having it flow well.

Also, does the topic seem cliche at all?
MrAndy1 1 / 7  
Aug 22, 2012   #4
ended up working really late tonight, but will do it tommorow definitely!
MrAndy1 1 / 7  
Aug 25, 2012   #5
America, as a nation, has grown to be as successful and independent as
it is thanks to one strong factor: hard work. The earliest generation of
Americans worked tediously just to provide for themselves the necessities
needed
, just to survive. As time went on , and freedom and liberty had been achieved little by little ,
people began to labor for themselves in order to get the things that they desired.
while already being providedT he necessities of survival had already been provided . However, in our
present generation,provision has taken a dangerous turn.W e have beenare provided with both what we need and what we want,
leaving us with nothing to work for. This has led to a spiraling fallsharp decline in
productivity of our country's youth.whichThis is one of the most discouraging and
unaddressed<-----but now you are addressing it! I thought it fits the prompt better to use "unaddressed" problems in our society today .

will continue later, sorry for holdup!


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