Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment.
What governments do to address these problems? What can individuals do to help?
Nowadays, environmental pollution is becoming a serious problem all over the world. And humans are known as the reason for this problem. So we have to find a solution to minimize our impact on the environment. This essay will discuss environmental problems and what government and individuals can do to address these problems.
There are many ways that people are destroying the environment. First, as life becomes more modern and busy, people would rather use their vehicles than public ones. Exhaust fumes from vehicles can lead to global warming. And we are also producing ever greater quantities of waste, for instance: plastic bags, plastic bottles, straws and so on, which are contaminating the rivers, the oceans. And factories are also making the bad effects on the environment by gas emissions and industrial waste.
The government could certainly make more effort to reduce environmental pollution. They could introduce laws to force the factories to use renewable energy from solar, wind, or water power to reduce gas emissions and force them to tightly control the water waste before discharging it into the environment. And they should improve the qualities of public transports to encourage individuals to use them more frequently. Finally, they could popularize the environmental protection responsibility to raise the awareness of people. Individuals should take responsibility for the impact they have on the environment. First, we should choose the products that are friendly with the environment like reusable bags and bottles, paper or grass straws... to limit our waste. Next, we must put the rubbish in the garbage can and sort the waste correctly.
In conclusion, both government and individuals should take steps to solve the environmental problems.
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If the writer reviews the prompt requirements, it will be clear that this is a 5 paragraph essay composed of:
- Prompt restatement + question responses / answer outline
- What governments do to address these problems?
- What can individuals do to help?
- Reverse paraphrase / concluding summary
The response of the writer does not adequately present developed responses because of the incorrect discussion and response format. The explanation could be better explained if the individual response paragraph format was used. While the writer does provide proper responses. These are not adequately explained to warrant a stronger overall score. That is because of the compressed discussion topics. Separating these would have created a better developed presentation.
The conclusion does not have the correct format either. It must be presented within 40 words comprised of 2-3 sentences (at least).
Here is my feedback
Firstly, the way linking words such as "and", "so" used throughout this essay is improper. These linking words should not be put at the beginning of the sentences like what the writer did. It is not the way that an essay should be written
Secondly, the first paragraph for human activities is inappropriately written. In term of the first reason, the writer should make clearer explanation why the use of personal vehicles will lead to global warming because the public transports such as buses also release emission to the air. The second and third explanations were not even developed and supported. He just move from a cause to another one with no reasonable explanation. In my opinion, the writer should have at least 1 sentence to explain for each reason he had mentioned.
Thirdly, the conclusion only summarized the second paragraph with no regarding to the first one about human activities. In addition to that, the conclusion is too general and could not summarize the above-mentioned ideas properly.