AUT Physiotherapy essay - need review

Updated version.

Since returning to study after 2 years, I wanted to pick up from where I left off at Otago University and knew that the non-endorsement programme at AUT is where I would start. I have always been interested in studying Physiotherapy and AUT was the place in which I could pursue that. My interests in sports and physical training as well as personal experiences have all contributed to my passion for the profession. In this enquiry portfolio I will touch on those interests and will also mention a few enquiry question regarding my disability and the physiotherapy programme and profession.

As long as I could remember I have played competitive sport my entire life and always enjoyed pushing my body to its limits, which always came at a price. Due to my inability to stay injury free, frequent visits to Physiotherapy were a norm and the process of injury prevention and exercise prescription was something that always intrigued me. Furthermore, through my rugby injuries the hands on approach that I received from Physiotherapists is the active side of the profession that appealed to me the most.

Moreover, my spinal cord injury 2 years ago that landed me in a wheelchair was the turning point in my life that pushed me to pursue my passion for Physiotherapy further. Within that time I underwent a strenuous rehabilitation programme with a team of healthcare professionals and we worked together towards my recovery and independence. Throughout my rehab, I personally felt that my work in Physiotherapy provided me with the tools I needed to get my life back on track.

Furthermore, as a result of my injury, I have impairment in all four limbs in other words Quadriplegia. This means I have limited or no use of my hands and legs, and due to the physical nature Physiotherapy programme, this could be a problem. However, I'm sure there could be ways around these set backs and where some collaborative learning would be required

This therefore brings me to my questions of enquire.

1. How could someone with Quadriplegia meet certain competencies in the Physiotherapy programme?
2. Is Physiotherapy purely a hands on and physical profession?

Granted I do well this semester, studying Physiotherapy could be a possibility and if so, this will give me the opportunity to give back to my disabled community and to ultimately help those disabled or not. At present I don't know of any other Physiotherapist in a wheelchair but do see a need for more disabled healthcare professionals, advocates and role models for this particular community. Also, whatever disability maybe, the insight a disabled healthcare professional provides is second to none when dealing with disability issues.

So in conclusion, further research into this matter will eventually establish if there is any creative ideas around my disability that could help me get through the Physiotherapy programme. In addition, the practical learning style that AUT encompasses is what drew me to study here moreover its reputation for producing some of the countries most established Physiotherapist. This will be a great learning curve not only for myself but will also be helpful for others with a similar injury or disability coming through AUT who are contemplating Physiotherapy or any other healthcare profession.

How does it flow? does it direct you as a reader from beginning to end? Grammar? punctuation? Structure? please any feedback is welcome. Correct as you please.

I have two comments, one on style and the other on content.

Style first: Your grammar is good but you tend to clutter your sentences with superfluous words and phrases, I presume in order to sound formal. Don't do that. Say what you mean as clearly and concisely as possible.

Now, content: Your enquiry concerning the accommodation of your disability ought to be addressed to the relevant office at the university ("disability services" or whatever they call it there.) Those will be the people charged with the task of making sure that the academic department in question adapts its programme to make it accessible to you. So, take the questions out of the essay. This leaves you more room for content. I'll let other forum members and contributors say what they think you should add.

Your first sentence seems a little sudden.
Regarding your second sentence, I would say "sports" are "physical activity".
The questions should go also.
I must admit that your essay didn't really capture me. I don't know what you want me to feel after your story about becoming paralyzed. In terms of the essay, I don't feel there is a beginning ending or climax.

What I do like is the stable writing. Your writing flows well.

Good Luck

The danger with posing questions like these is that they invite a response you probably don't intend or want. Why don't you give your thoughts on how you could meet or work around the physiotherapy competencies in order to show that it is more than just a physical profession? Your intended audience will be much more inclined to accommodate your needs if you make an effort to show them how they can do so.

forgot to clarify that this essay is intended for research, its not a application of any sort. i dont know if that makes any sense. This is somewhat of an introduction and then in the following essay I will look into those questions

Oh in that case disregard my comments haha.

Again: Do not ask those questions in your application essay. Contact the disabilities office and ask those questions of them. Your application can and should mention your disability, as it is the motivation for you to do research in this field, but you should not ask questions in an application essay.

This is not an application. this essay is do with a paper im taking at uni and as a requirement i have to mention these questions. all im asking here is if my essay flows well if not, what changes i should make, do my paragraphs link up? can someone proofread it?. this essay is really about me, why i have chosen to study at AUT, why i am interested in this field and what i look to gain from my studies at AUT. heres the outline of the assignment requirements. How do i attach something?

Made a few adjustments.

Spell out "two."

Is a "question of enquire" somehow different than a question? If not, just say "This brings me to my questions:"

4wheelz
Granted I do well this semester, studying Physiotherapy could be a possibility and if so, this will give me the opportunity to give back to my disabled community and to ultimately help those disabled or not. At present I don't know of any other Physiotherapist in a wheelchair but do see a need for more disabled healthcare professionals, advocates and role models for this particular community. Also, whatever the disability maybe, the insight a disabled healthcare professional provides is second to none when dealing with disability issues.

4wheelz

does that part of the paragraph sound out of place, it seems sudden and doesnt link up very well, or is it just me?. feedback please