My English name is Derek, and was born in Taichung. I am twenty-one years old now. I am currently studying at NTUST in department of Electronic Engineering. After summer vacation, I will up to third grade. I was born from normal family and have two sisters who are older than me by over five years. They are like my mother so I always think I have three mothers in my life. It is very lucky to have two sisters like them.
My favorite hobby is playing basketball because I am very fascinated at comic book called "SLAMDUNK " when I was child. I always went to the library for reading it. So my first dream is to become basketball player when I was small. But I realized I couldn't make this dream come true when I was in the secondary school. Because my height is not tall enough, only have 170cm. Therefore, I had to change my dream path to be an electronic engineer. I choose the Electronic Engineering because I like electronic devices like cellphone or robot. I sometimes dismantled electronic products such like telephone, computer speaker.
I also like to spend on time with old friends very much. I always do it in my free time at Taichung. When I go with them, I can leave all annoyance behind. So when I feel upset, I will find them to talk. Because it will make me feel nothing need to worry.
I am a person who really likes social activities
Recently, I wish I can study abroad. I really want to see other cultures and people in different countries. I don't want just see it on TV, I want to experience it by myself.
It is very lucky having two sisters like them.
When I was child, I often went to the library for reading it.
I am not consider my self good writer but I think other people may help you more
Hi Derek, welcome to EssayForum :) This place is truly a remarkable place to improve your essay development. With regards to your essay, honestly I do not have any experience in writing any autobiography but I think I can give some contributions related to grammatical range and accuracy.
1st paragraph:
- After summer vacation, I will up toam going to be in the third grade. (if this is a plan, I think that "be going to" is more appropriate)
- I was born from normal family and have two sisters who are older than me by over five years older than me . (so, the other families are abnormal? I need the word "normal" here can be ambiguous. It is better to omit it or change it becomes small/large family)
- They are like my mother so that I always think that I have three mothers in my life. However, It is very lucky to have two sisters like them because...(more explanation on this would be better I guess)
2nd paragraph:
- ...comic book called "SLAMDUNK " when I was a child.
- SoThus, my first dream is to become basketball player when I was small.(ambiguous, what do you mean by small here? small size or small age? or small what? and I think it was quite redundant to the previous sentence)
- ButHowever, I realized I couldn'tcould not(avoid using contractions) make this dream come true when I was in the secondary school because my height iswas not tall enough, I only have 170cm. (it is better to combine those two sentences)
- Sometimes, I dismantled electronic products such likeas telephone and computer speaker.
There you have it Derek, I hope my feedback would be your preference to further proofread your essay later on. Do not hesitate to ask if you need further assistance. Good luck in revising this essay :)
Good Job Derek, I really liked reading your essay.
Hi Derek, I can see that you have a lot of support here from the contributors of EF and I hope you follow though. Now, I would like to share additional insights to help you enhance your essay.
- a comma (,) is not necessary when it is followed with the word "and"
- as you are writing your sentences, try to read it out loud, this is a good practice for you to make sure that you are able to come up with a sentence that has the details of the idea you are trying to impart to your readers
Furthermore, please find the modifications below;
- My English name is Derek, and I was
- born in Taichung ( Taichung???, is it in China, Taiwan?, please be specific ) .
- I am twenty-one years old now .
- I am currently studying at NTUST in the department
- After summer vacation, I will up to third grade( this sentence is not necessary ) .
- I was born fromwith a normal family
- mothers in my life .
- It isI am very lucky to have two sisters like them.
There you have it Derek, I will get back to you for the rest of the essay and I hope you follow through with the suggested remarks.
Hi Derek, below are additional help for your essay;
- atwith the comic book called "SLAMDUNK "
- when I was a child.
- I always wentvisit to the library
- for readingto read a book about it.
- So my first dream isI dreamed to
- become a basketball
- ButHowever, I realized I
- true when I was in the secondary school. Because, my - tall enough,at only have 170cm.
- Therefore, I had to change my dream path to be anmind and choose to be an electronic engineer instead .
- electronicsproducts such likeas telephones,and computer speaker.
- who really likesloves social activities
- other cultures and people and discoverin different countries.
- I don't want just see'm not contented seeing it on TV, I want to experience it by myself.
There you have it Derek, I hope the remarks above completes the modification of your essay and are useful to your revision.
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