Aviation - Essay question for a job? I enjoy flying. I am a student pilot.

Hello everyone,
I have just come across this website and I was so happy I have been looking into a job as an ATC. I started filling out my applicationg and was stumped by the essay question. I dont remember the last time I wrote and essay or even where to start. I have attached the Essay question and the first draft of the essay i wrote. Is this even an essay? is it any good? or should i post it on FAIL BLOG? I also went over the 300 words by 41 words... Ideas?

In proper sentence format 250 - 300 words respond to the following question:

Please describe what motivated you to undertake this significant challenge and what sets you apart from others who are interested in this same career path

Notes:
I enjoy flying. I am a student pilot. I feel motivation when challenged. I strive to do the best I can at everything I try. I dont give up. I love to talk.

Essay:
I have always enjoyed aviation. A few years ago I went down to one of the many flight schools and signed up for a familiarization flight. I was a little nervous but mostly just excited. As soon as I took the controls of the Cessna 152 I knew that a career in aviation was for me. During my ground school we got to take a tour of the control tower at the airport. This was an eye opening experience. I learned all about how air traffic controllers see and communicate with all of the planes in the control zone. This was my career in aviation staring me in the face. I cant think of a better way to explore and learn about aviation than directing and controlling air traffic. Having the opportunity to working with top of the line technology, instruments and people in the navigation network, knowing at the end of the day I helped many people travel safely in the sky.

I am a flooring installer by trade. I enjoy installing flooring because every day is a new challenge and we work together as a team. It is a very diverse job in which situations change from day to day. I have worked on jobs with large crews in which I am the one to delegate the work that needs to be done by each installer to ensure the job is completed in a smooth manner. I have also worked on crews in which someone else is the foreman and I am assigned a certain task. One of my responsibilities as a flooring installer is talking with customers, salesmen and dispatchers. I am very good at talking to people and explaining things. I think that these skills will help me in my journey to becoming an air traffic controller.

Thanks for reading,
Camodan
I look forward to hearing from the Essay Masters lol.

i think you would benefit from further developing your motivations to become an ATC.

At one point you say: "I cant think of a better way to explore and learn about aviation than directing and controlling air traffic"

Why? You need to put more emphasis on how strong your motivation to become an ATC is. I think your employers need to see that you have a burning passion to work as an ATC.

Around the start of your essay, you may be able to cut down on some of the background information about how you started getting into aviation.

Thanks for the tip, here is my second draft. I have shortened it to exacally 300 words lol I went into more details about why I want to do this job. I acually got chills reading this back to myself. Despite the fact that I am not very good at writing essays the longer I sat there writing the more I wanted to write. It has been a very fun experiance. Is this a good essay? Is there anything else I should change?

Boring first sentence Don't allow any boring sentences, especially not the first.
:-)
"What sets you apart" should be something about your interests and abilities & this specific job. Can you help them to know some details... for example, can you discuss ATC skills by making examples of how you have eveloped those skills in your work experience? This is all about making connections.

You make connections between what you have done and what an ATC does, and in this way you prove that you deeply understand the task of ATC.

I think I may have some facts you should know before you finalize that draft. I'm a high school student and my school has an aerospace program, and my teacher was an air traffic controller for the army. He said that the generation of ATC from the 50s to 70s will be retiring in the next 20 some years or so. These guys compose most of the ATC in America today. After they all retire, this new generation will have to fill up the shortage. If you have the skills and ambition, you should be a good candidate for this job. This job pays well because of this shortage, but this is a dangerous career. You need the best in those towers. Include the information on the growing shortage, and if you have those skills, you'll get that job. Also, these guys want someone who's going to stay for a long time. If you're doing this to get to explore the career of aviation, and you might leave that job to be a pilot or airport manager or something, they may not want you.

Good luck on that interview! :)