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Babies Youth Children Empowerment - seeking help with my little essay!



juliatkachenko 1 / -  
Nov 2, 2012   #1
Seeking help with my essay, in which I need to elaborate on one of my extracurricular activities. (1000 character max)
Help me by correcting grammar and word use. Your help will be highly appreciated.

Recently I started volunteering with Babies Youth Children Empowerment Ministries, an organization that helps at-risk students to overcome academic as well as other struggles. Now I am tutoring kids of my age in math and science. At first, I was not sure if I can help, but later I figured out that help is always needed. When I made a decision to volunteer, I was thinking of how I will bring a change to my community. I wanted to help my peers that can't afford to hire a tutor, because I believe that (willingness/readiness/desire) to obtain knowledge needs to be rewarded. I dedicate 5 hours of my free time every week to work with those, who struggle in math and science high school courses such as Algebra2, Pre-Calculus and Pre-AP Physics. I enjoy seeing progress of those who I tutor and I believe that it is great way of paying back to the community.

magoc_conch 1 / 4  
Nov 2, 2012   #2
Here are some grammatical you could fix:
The comma after tutor should be a semi colon.
Also when you did the parenthesis I think you should you Desire.
Since there is a 1000 word max try and get quite a bit of words they want you to elaborate. Try using an example.

Besides that you did a Great Job.

Please Check Out My Forum Thank You


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