I am applying for scholarship in UWC. This is my essay. I hope you will suggest me and improve it. Let's try to erase the flaws and obtain a perfect shape soon. Inspect this from a perspective of a UWC committee selector.
In the space below, please write an essay of not more than 300 words describing your background and family. Include an account of any experiences you have had in meeting people from other backgrounds than your own.
I am a Nepali origin. Aryan by race and Hindu by religion I am a Brahmin. I come from the hills of Lamjung where my ancestors migrated before centuries. My dad brought my family to Kathmandu for our education. I have five members in my family. It is my dad, mom, me and my two siblings. My dad is the only working member of my family. He works in remote Rolpa(mid hills) despite of his lung and nerve problems so that our expenses can be met. He is always away from family. My mom raised us. She sacrificed her career and looked after us three children. She is weak and ill due to those entire burdens she had. My brother and sister study in seventh and sixth grade respectively. We love each other very much. With dad retiring very soon and the real expenses just starting with our age, it is me the hope of everyone. A hope, which will shine and return to support this family in the near future.
During one of my vacations, dad took me to Rolpa. I was invited to a Magar (a nepali caste) family. Before entering their house, the put white tika on my forehead and welcomed me. They insisted that it is a must. Beautiful girls dressed in chaubandi cholo and patuki offered me garlands made from maize. They danced in different songs. I was presented with variety of foods in a shining, spacious brass plate. Though they ate boiled corn flour as their meal, they offered me rice nourished in pure ghee. A bowl of curd added beauty. They prepared a special dish of nettle that was a new taste. They were illiterate. They were poor. But they respected their culture and were committed to preserve it. Only their house was small, but not their heart.
In the space below, please write an essay of not more than 300 words describing your background and family. Include an account of any experiences you have had in meeting people from other backgrounds than your own.
I am a Nepali origin. Aryan by race and Hindu by religion I am a Brahmin. I come from the hills of Lamjung where my ancestors migrated before centuries. My dad brought my family to Kathmandu for our education. I have five members in my family. It is my dad, mom, me and my two siblings. My dad is the only working member of my family. He works in remote Rolpa(mid hills) despite of his lung and nerve problems so that our expenses can be met. He is always away from family. My mom raised us. She sacrificed her career and looked after us three children. She is weak and ill due to those entire burdens she had. My brother and sister study in seventh and sixth grade respectively. We love each other very much. With dad retiring very soon and the real expenses just starting with our age, it is me the hope of everyone. A hope, which will shine and return to support this family in the near future.
During one of my vacations, dad took me to Rolpa. I was invited to a Magar (a nepali caste) family. Before entering their house, the put white tika on my forehead and welcomed me. They insisted that it is a must. Beautiful girls dressed in chaubandi cholo and patuki offered me garlands made from maize. They danced in different songs. I was presented with variety of foods in a shining, spacious brass plate. Though they ate boiled corn flour as their meal, they offered me rice nourished in pure ghee. A bowl of curd added beauty. They prepared a special dish of nettle that was a new taste. They were illiterate. They were poor. But they respected their culture and were committed to preserve it. Only their house was small, but not their heart.
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