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"Bangladesh is a developing country" issue of local national or international concern


mahdir24 1 / 1  
Dec 14, 2010   #1
So the prompt is to write about an issue of local, national or international concern.. so I decided to write how I want to help improve the situation of the impoverished in my country - Bangladesh. The main idea is that I want to help my country in what way I can, I don't want to dedicate my whole life to saving the poor but I plan to set up charities and do philanthropic activities to help the poor... I don't want to sound like a saintly person, all I want to say is that... I will do something for the poor in my country for sure. And I don't want to project my country as an extremely poor and needy one... So take a look at my essay... Any ideas on how to improve people???

Any help will be highly appreciated! :)
Please post back. Thanks

Essay:

Every year when I travel back to my mother land, I see poor children on the streets trying to pick food from the garbage or aged people begging for money to feed themselves and their offspring. When I was a child, I used to ask my mother why "Why don't we help them mommy?" and she said she was trying the best she could.

Bangladesh is currently a developing country - slums are turning into streets, villages into towns, single-storey buildings to multi-storey buildings, the introduction of 3G internet, etc. My parents who are expats in Kuwait moved to Kuwait in search of a better income and life for me. An I'm proud of the fact that they are trying the best they can to help improve the condition of my country; they are involved in a lot of philanthropic activities and they donated a significant portion of their income to the poor and charitable organizations. This has had a positive effect on me by indirectly creating a burning desire in my heart to help the poor and the needy. I believe that poverty must be attacked at its root cause: Lack of education. What happens is that migrants from villages are unable to get jobs with sufficient pay in cities. Also, they think that producing a large number of offspring will cement their position financially by earning more income, but what happens is that the children end up working in haphazard conditions like in glass factories or steel mills. This creates a vicious cycle of poverty which repeats throughout generations to come and increases the gap between the rich and the poor.

Bangladesh is a small country and living in Kuwait has shown me how a small country can develop quickly. I think the same principle can be applied to Bangladesh. Thus, I've always had a goal that will remain woven into my character and soul - when I grow up I would like to get an excellent education and then go back to my country and help change its label from 'developing' to 'developed'. Of course, one would wonder that how would one small kid among millions with such wild dreams could make a difference? But I'm not the only one. There are many more like me and with their support I believe we could help end the vicious cycle in my country that affects people adversely and hinders development. After graduating and while working, I would like to spend a significant portion of my income on creating educational facilities for the under privileged and homes for the homeless. Also, I plan to set up charitable foundations to accomplish my aims.

I dream really big. And the first step to accomplishing my dream is to get an excellent education. I often thank God that I was born in a family that has the ability to support my education. Education is a basic human right and it is extremely unfair that other children like me are deprived of such benefits. To sum it all up, I want to help create a future without poverty not just for Bangladesh but for the whole globe. And education will be the instrument of change.
nabid777 4 / 9  
Dec 14, 2010   #2
One minor thing: the word "offspring" sounds a little to impersonal and cold. Try replacing that with "their young ones"
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 24, 2010   #3
I will do something for the poor in my country for sure.

I think you should try to write a sentence that expresses this idea perfectly. Pretend it is going to be the only sentence in the whole essay, and try to explain yourmain idea in that single sentence. Add that sentence to the end of that (very brief) first paragraph.

That sentence you add to the end of the first paragraph will contain the meaning of the whole essay.

After that intro, you have 3 more paragraphs. Each should begin with a "paragraph topic sentence." (Google that term)

This essay will be more impressive if you mention a few articles you have recently read about children living in poverty.

:-)


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