Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)
Does it answer the prompt?
"Whose call was that mom?" I asked tensed looking at my mother's blank expression.
"The bank officials. They're auctioning the house." She said emotionlessly.
The notice was sent for the third time this year. Every time we received a notice, my parents took a loan and cleared the dues. But the debts just kept piling up. Growing up in a financially unstable environment can be difficult, especially when the monthly dues exceed the salary the household earns. Things are a lot worse when you're a child abuse victim.
I never had the same exposure in school as an average high school student would. Our teachers rarely approached education out of the usual academic sense. There were barely any extracurricular activities and those conducted were merely due to our repeated pleas.
Growing up in dire conditions like these had the opposite effect of what someone would've expected. As a child, sure I had issues and emotional outbursts but as time passed I only grew into a stronger person.
I never swallowed myself in self pity. I chose to rise above my abuse, learn from my parents' mistakes and tackle problems pragmatically. I saw no need to complain of lack of finance or inadequate resources. I am determined about the goals that I've set for myself and I know the journey is not going to be a walk in the park. But if there's one thing that I've learnt through these years it's that nothing in life ever comes easy and I will do everything possible to reach my destination.
What do you think? It's 258 words. PLease edit it ASAP 'cause there's no time!
Try not to use so many contractions and the cliche (walk in the park). Add more specifically what is your dream(s).
But if there's one thing that I've learntlearned through these years :it's that nothing in life ever comes easy and I will do everything possible to reach my destination.
@SeniorMe!
Contradictions in what sense?
I'll work on making my dreams clear. :)
Focus on one aspect, be it financial situations, child abuse victim, or lack of good teachers
Then you can specify how the experiences shaped your dreams.
This way it sounds like you want pity from others.
Honestly Rachel, I love you.
Honesty for the win!
But Kruti, are your SAT scores really good, since that could make up for
possibly bad essays.
Don't let anyone discourage you. Get some coffee, work your ass off and write a good essay.
And leave feedback for my essays.
no not contradictions, contractions like when you use I've and there's.
That was a really rough draft, sorry.
Thank you, Rachel! I really loved your edit.
"Whose was that mom?" I asked scared of the response.
"The bank officials. They're auctioning the house," she stated emotionlessly.
That was the third time we'd received the notice to pack up and ship out that year. Every time, we were notified, my parents took out another loan and cleared all the dues and the cycle perpetuated itself. The debt just kept piling up. Growing up in a financially unstable environment is difficult. Not knowing if you'll have a roof over your head the next day is not a life I would wish upon anyone else.
I learned to turn this weakness into a strength. I never wallowed in self pity. I learned from my parent's mistakes and began to approach problems pragmatically. Our poverty doesn't define me. I knew it was futile to complain of inadequate resources so I made most of those available.
Astronomy was the perfect distraction. I researched on the internet rather than spending money on books. Channeling my energy this way into something productive was helpful. Not only was I deviating myself but also I was doing something constructive. Then I got involved in the Lunar Rover project which was the catalyst that helped me realize my true passion for Astronomy.
I am determined to accomplish the goals that I have set for myself. The journey will not be a stroll in the park, but my aspirations are a cause worth fighting for. Nothing ever comes easy, but I am willing to do everything possible to try and achieve my dreams.
What do you say about this? 256 words.
Kruthi
I loved this! It was so real and gripping and I really feel that you are willing to fight for what you want. I can also greatly relate to you as I go through the same things...
Your ending was nice and witty and definitely incorporated some element of surprise and I believe the adcons will like that spice. Also highlights a lot of good personality traits.
Overall very good essay!
Hope this helps!
