BEAUTY/ GENETICS MAJOR; Why Duke?

hey everyone, this is my why duke supplement. i have to submit it today and would really appreciate it if you would give me any suggestion. help me and i will help you with yours. thanks. the prompt is

If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

"Why do I want to go to Duke?" I asked myself when I first saw this supplemental question. The answer seemed easy- Because it met all of my requirements and it is one of the most beautiful campuses in the United States. "And that is what you are going to write for a two paragraph essay?" I questioned myself again. Why not? That is the main reason and I should not have to invent superficial things just in order to write this essay. So this is my attempt on explaining why the reason I provide above means so much to me.

It is true that Duke is one of the few Universities that meets all of my requirements from having a very unique Genetics major to having a diverse student body; from having a small student to faculty ratio to having a beautiful campus setting. Although, being an international student, I have not been able to visit the campus myself, whenever I have heard anyone talking about Duke, the admiration of its beauty has always fallen inside the conversation. The architecture, the chapels, the stone buildings, the park-like setting, everything regarding the environment of Duke invites me. Fascinated by ancient objects and people, the Duke environment seems like the perfect place for me to learn about the ancient American architecture and live in one. I can picture myself going from one spot to another to find a serene place where I can sit peacefully and study while at the same time appreciate the beauty I am surrounded with. I believe that the surroundings of a person can influence his concentration and become a source of his inspiration. And if I am admitted to Duke, I know that I will be inspired in every step of the way by its amazing surrounding and am confident that I will be able to use this inspiration to my best advantage.

I have some ideas but it might affect your essay drastically and I don't want you to change it when it's due today

Overall, I like it a lot. You have detail, as you are focused on one thing, the beauty of the university and I get to learn a lot about you.

- Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

I will be harsh but here is my feedback!
-Starting out by saying anything like "when I first read the prompt" or anything like that is very cliche and I would advice to write a more catchy first sentence. The first paragraph seems to be wasting space talking about your writing process and what you were thinking. I would honestly take out this paragraph.

- saying "Because it met all of my requirements and it is one of the most beautiful campuses in the United States." is not what I think colleges want to hear, especially an elite college like Duke

-I would focus on talking about Duke's academics and curriculum, not its architecture and buildings. That is not why you should want to go to a college, or at least you shouldnt tell them that. There are many beautiful schools out there, they want to know why that one college. why not another pretty college in this case.

haha those were my points. But it's due today for him...

"Why do I want to go to Duke?" I asked myself when I first saw this supplemental question. The answer seemed easy- Because it metDuke meets all of my requirements and it is one of the most beautiful campuses in the United States. "And that isis that what you are going to write for a two paragraph essay?" I questioned myself again . Why not? That is the main reason and I should not have to invent superficial things just in order to write this essay (try rewording this. Maybe "That's why I'm applying to Duke. Why make up something different?") So this is my attempt on explaining why the reason I provide above means so much to me. (Maybe keep this if you can reword it somehow, but I think it's unnecessary.)

It is true that Duke is one of the few Universities that meets all of my requirements. from having a very unique Genetics major to having a diverse student body; from having a small student to faculty ratio to having a beautiful campus setting. Although, being an international student, I have not been able to visit the campus myself, whenever I have heard anyone talking about Duke, the admiration of its beauty has always fallen inside the conversationalways comes up . The architecture, the chapels, the stone buildings (Since you've already mentioned the architecture, try and add something different.), the park-like setting, everything regarding the environment ofabout Duke invites me. Fascinated by ancient objects and people, I find Duke to be the perfect place for me to learn about American architecture.the Duke environment seems like the perfect place for me to learn about the ancient American architecture and live in one (Just a misplaced modifier. I tried to reword it for you.). I can picture myself going from one spot to another to find a serene place where I can sit peacefully and study, while at the same time appreciate the beauty I am surrounded withby . I believe that the surroundings of a person can influence his concentration and become a source of his inspiration. And if I am admitted to Duke, I know that I will be inspired in every step of the way by its amazing surroundings and am confident that I will be able to use this inspiration to my best advantage.

I just fixed a few grammar things, other than that it looks great! I really love the last two sentences. Maybe try to incorporate that idea at the beginning of your essay, so you can come full circle.

Good luck!

oh, well its up to him how much and what he wants to change! we can only offer advice and help!