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I became third in my state/ Poor roads; Colombia; Achievement/Past experiences



Udensi 3 / 7  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

From my seat at the rear end of the hall I could hear from the examiner .He shouted 'five minutes more'. We were at the end of my first competition I had in mathematics. I looked at my paper with great joy because I knew that I did justice to the questions. I was sure that I was going to emerge with a significant position among thousands of students that took the examination along with me.

My journey towards being great in mathematics started from my fourth grade. Using all my spare time, including after school hours and , to have extra math studies was something that seemed pointless to others but I saw the hope in it and stuck to it. Though I had the lessons free most of the time, but I did have to pay to be taught on few occasions. Subsequently I was a staunch member of the Mathematics club of my school, Dority International Secondary School.

Several competitions came by and passed but still I wasn't selected to represent my school. After about six years in the mathematics club I finally got a chance to represent the school. It was on a fateful Friday morning when the Mathematics Olympiad competition was to be taken. At first two representatives from the school were chosen and I was not one of them.

On the day of the competition, I came to school with a heavy heart because I felt s that no one had faith in me even after sacrificing several hours of my time to study mathematics. At a point, the thought of quitting the mathematics club came to my mind. After some time I decided to stop sulking and went about my daily activities like nothing had happened and decided to wait till another competition comes by. A few minutes into the first period of the day, my co-coordinator came into the class directly towards me, and asked me if I would like to partake in the examination. I was so overwhelmed with joy that for a moment I couldn't speak. I just kept staring at him till he repeated the question. I accepted the offer without hesitation and took my writing materials with me to the school hall where the exam was being administered. The examination was a three hour intensive college level mathematics exam that at first seemed challenging but with time I relaxed and answered the question with ease.

Three weeks later, the examination results came out and I placed third in my state. This taught me a great lesson never to be discouraged. By experience I learnt that no knowledge is a waste .I remained in the mathematics club until I left the school. Now whenever I am with my peers during a mathematics class I have an edge over them because I gave my time to mathematics and now I am rewarded with a high success.

Even in the midst of my success, I recognize that my mathematical excellence wouldn't have been possible without the support and help of my teachers who volunteered to help me and make me who I am today. As an act of gratitude, I volunteer tutoring at my new school.

For applicants to The Fu Foundation School of Engineering and Applied Science, please tell us from your current and past experiences (either academic or personal) what attracts you specifically to the study of engineering

After experiencing the poor conditions with the roads and the increase in the rate of oil spillages, oil well fires, and other life threatening events in the oil industry being at the constant rise in Nigeria, I hope to improve the condition of the oil industry. I am privileged to have the opportunity to further my education in United States .I hope to become a professional Chemical Engineer. Nigeria as one of the world's producer of oil doesn't make use of all its resources especially natural gas, I aspire to use my education to bring change and advancement that would impact the global community.If I could get the chance to go to the Fu Foundation School of Engineering and Applied Science,not only could I fulfill my dream I could bring innovative ideas to the oil production field of Nigeria that will make it better than it is today.At the same time, I could contribute to the growth of technology in the United States. My steadfast zeal to be successful in bringing change to Nigeria could be seen in my academics.Sticking to the mathematics club for several years has increased my understanding for college level mathematics and will make things easier for me when I get the chance to attend the Fu Foundation School of Engineering.Chemical engineers work to improve the quality of people's lives. As an aspiring Chemical engineer I hope to put and end starvation, disease and poverty which is increasing in a high rate in Nigeria.

please i need a sincere modification and thanks for the help

ticklelisaelmo 8 / 42  
Dec 30, 2012   #2
We were at the end of my first competition I had in mathematics.
How about just saying first math competition? simple and short!

Using all my spare time, including after school hours and , to have extra math studies was something that seemed pointless to others but I saw the hope in it and stuck to it.

Though I had the lessons free most of the time, but I did have to pay to be taught on few occasions.

This is a run on sentence. make is short and simple.
Also don't make others sound like theyre lazy. instead, focus on how u stuck to it.
Also, do we really need to know if your lessons were free?

The examination was a three hour intensive college level mathematics exam that at first seemed challenging but with time I relaxed and answered the question with ease.

Another run on. Change it to two sentences.
OP Udensi 3 / 7  
Dec 31, 2012   #3
well thanks i really do appreciate. i do have to restructure the whole essay now..i have seen my flaws...


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