This is my response, feel free to critique it and help me out :D.
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).
Going to my local mosque for Sunday School was probably one of my least favorite things to do when I started. I would try to avoid it as best as I could, maybe by going to the Subway across the street or even pretending to be sick.
However, after a while the actions of one of the Brothers that volunteered there really grew on me. He came an hour before anyone else to organize the school and was the last to leave. Yet, it wasn't the fact that he worked ...
The question was to elaborate on your work experience, you focused too much on the reason. I don't know anything about your work except it was at a mosque. I think you kinda get to the part what you learned but that is not enough. I know 150 words is very little but you need to try to condense what is not necessary.
Thing you need:
- Briefly describe your responsibility
- How the activity influenced you
Don't worry about reaching 150-- if you look at the prompt, it says 150 words or fewer. You want to worry more about the content of the little blurb instead.
You can speak of how much you've helped the sunday school-- maybe you've helped arrange a trip for the kids, helped someone learn their arabic or holy book, etc.
The more credentials you write about, and what you learn from them, the better off you are.
Going to my local mosque for Sunday School was probably one of my least favorite things to do when I first started. However, after a while the actions of one of the Brothers that volunteered there really grew on me. It wasn't the...
150 words (just so you guys know).
Thanks for your comments guys, they were valid points. Let me know whether this is any better? I really can't talk about the actual experience unless you want me to go into all the effort put into scrubbing floors or teaching kids from a textbook, so I'm trying to focus on what I learned. If this one above really isn't hitting at the point of the prompt, I think I'm just going to do a different activity easier to talk about (like losing or winning a tennis match or something).
Hey, that's a much better start ;).
I think you should talk about what you did first (cleaning, helping), then you can talk about how the brother who works there influenced your perspective of the job. Then you can cut out unnecessary sentence like the first sentence, and "My motivation eventually..." since you already stated that the motivation came from people who worked there. Then it will give you more room to expanded on what you did, like your perspective on "scrubbing the floor" is more than a job that people don't wanna do, yet you still feel the joy in doing that.
Good luck!
...Haha you suddenly edit your post. I think that's also a good idea, talking about the sport you love
Alright, well I took your advice and talked more about an experience rather than sort of making volunteering a morality lesson. This feels so much more genuine than the ones before. Tell me what you think, and once again thanks for your opinion :).
You should never use the word "thing" in your essay, that's what my english teacher told me.
you can replace "thing" with "attribute"