UT Austin transfer
Im enrolling in UT this Fall as a transfer student...please throw any harsh or nice feedback...I need to turn this in soon! many thanks for any feedback left for me! (english is my 2nd language-please keep that in mind)
"Mark, you need to start volunteering soon to be able to know what you want to do in your life," my wife said. "Fine" I sighed; well aware I needed volunteer hours to get a job at school because I did not get my bachelors degree yet. The only reason I ever began volunteering was because of my wife who encouraged me to also to learn more about what I really wanted in life. My wife helped me start volunteering by talking to her boss and get me in the door. Few weeks later they contacted me and have set me up as a one on one for a middle school student. "You'll be working with various special needs children and it will be challenging also gives you an idea of what it is like working for special needs children."
It was an eye opener. However, as we began preparing for a one on one with a sixth grader on telling time. It has became clear to me how his disabilities impacted with his school work strongly. "Okay, I had to take it down a level as I was telling to myself." After he completed the task I began reviewing his work. All of the answers were still wrong. I tried to do body gesture instead of using words and it has worked for him. When he finally got his assignment correct. There was a glowing look in his face and high fived me I felt a sense of fulfillment and purpose I had never felt before. After that moment, I have started doing one on one with other students in the same department. I quickly forgot my initial self-centered motive of accumulating volunteer hours for my resume. That has also motivated me to pursue my Bachelors degree and teachers certification so I can contribute my knowledge to those children who does not have the benefits I had when I was growing up.
I continued to volunteer at Texas School for the Deaf to this day. Although volunteers never expect anything in return for their services. I felt that I have been repaid by students looking forward, being excited when I come in to help. It does require patience, and the impact by volunteering can make for one or many students in life. I did not have well educated parents in my life and my wife has taught me better. This has also helped me to decide on what to pursue further in college to get my degree in.
Your essay is really inspiring, I really liked it. Actually I wanted it to keep going cause it's like a story. Keep up the good work I didn't see much of errors to be fixed. The introduction was very good.
Use commas right here:
"Fine," I sighed, well aware ... because I
did not get had not earned my bachelors degree yet. ---I added an action verb and fixed the tense.
Use hyphens for stuff like this: eye-opener
became become clear ...
That has also motivated me to pursue my bachelors degree and ...
I continued to volunteer at Texas School for the Deaf.
to this day. Although volunteers never expect anything in return for their services, I feel...
This is very good writing, especially if English is your second language. You have some mistakes, but almost everybody has some.
For some reason I couldn't reply to each person.
Bella- thanks for the comments...appreciate it and I will be working on my 2nd essay and it's more complicated but I will be sure it gets posted here soon.
Kevin- thanks for your input and the changes I need to make..will post my 2nd draft with all of the corrections. I will be working on my second essay for UT and it's pretty tough one and hope I can get your feedback again on my next one.
Thanks to you both!