this is georgia's essay. the prompt is: given your personal background what would you learn and contribute through becoming a part of this kind of community?
Any suggestions about grammar ? & do you think this essay answers the question thoroughly?
It was a usual family dinner. After a few minutes my mother started her story and brother said "Mom, please, it is not the time to talk about such a thing". The others, including my father and grandma had given up because they already know that Mm will enthusiastically keep telling these stories because she has a listener, a passionate and involved listener, who has forgotten about dinner and is imagining, trying to combine details told before. The only listener interested in her story was me; and the story was about how a woman, unable to have a child, moved to Japan, got married and finally had a child. Since our big family, consisting of seven members, only got together for dinner, Mom often presented stories form her work experience then. She was a doctor in an ambulance in the small city Taldykorgan. Even though I heard about different incidents, life stories and diseases from her, I hadn't felt what my mom felt, and I hadn't seen what she saw until I got to the Taldykorgan city Surgical Hospital.
I spent the first month of my ninth grade school year in the hospital. My family has enjoyed the summer swimming and fishing at lake Balkhash, one of the tourism centers in South Kazakhstan. Some hours after we got home, I started feeling pain in my stomach. Mother quickly convinced me that it was just stomach flu; but when I described it as a pain, slowly moving from the top down the right side of my stomach she took me to the hospital, where I had to be operated immediately. It was appendicitis in the last stage of development. The operation was successful and I continued my days with a tube leading out the waste of appendicitis.
I found out from my doctor that I also had a cyst which the doctor noticed in time and cut off while cutting the appendix. I was saved from the second operation on the same place because of luck. Although, my mother was a professional doctor, I couldn't escape this disease, because it was transferred by my father's genes. My three aunts, except the fourth one, all father's sisters, and even my grandma had to undergo operation for cyst.
While spending such a long period in the hospital, I met some people with more severe operations than mine. Some were because of accidents, some because of inherent diseases. Thee was nothing to do in the hospital, except eating, reading or conversing with other patients, and I found the last last pastime the most challenging an appealing. We became a sort of a community, where nobody rushed; every person had enough time to tell circumstances that brought him/ her there. Never before was I told so many different life incidents that happened in real lives.
The days I spent in the hospital changed some views toward my life and its values. Before I complained about my body shape, desiring to be perfect; about the lack of family budget, desiring to buy new clothes or books. Now I et people who had less energy or less physical capabilities than a healthy person, and it was shameful for me to complain about those things. Even though some diseases were caused by accidents or other events in one's life, many others were inherited, carried by his genes. A baby, one that doesn't even speak yet, cannot do anything if there is illness-to-come written in his genes, I on't want my children to possess a cyst as I did and to have to overcome the same adversities which I did. It's impossible now in highly developed countries to alter the structure of DNA or to predict a particular illness; but, undoubtedly, only a very few individuals in the world can afford to do so. The technologies of changing DNA sequences are found and are being developed, but still the filed of genetic engineering has to run a long way until it gets more effective and cheaper ways of processing procedures it needs.
Engineering is to create, modify and alter objects, their components and their interactions with each other. I have tasted most of subjects at school, starting from arts to law and math, and the most appealing were math and biology. I liked gathering leaves and making abstracts from them in autumn; my brother and I used to construct nests for birds when we lived in a village. All my childhood passed close to nature and its beauties. To become an accomplished engineer and change or modify what nature gives us, we need to love and understand its features, rules and benefits. It is one of the abilities I possess and plan to improve all my life. By majoring in genetic engineering, I can deepen my understanding and appreciation of nature while learning how to work with it to improve the lives of people.
Any suggestions about grammar ? & do you think this essay answers the question thoroughly?
It was a usual family dinner. After a few minutes my mother started her story and brother said "Mom, please, it is not the time to talk about such a thing". The others, including my father and grandma had given up because they already know that Mm will enthusiastically keep telling these stories because she has a listener, a passionate and involved listener, who has forgotten about dinner and is imagining, trying to combine details told before. The only listener interested in her story was me; and the story was about how a woman, unable to have a child, moved to Japan, got married and finally had a child. Since our big family, consisting of seven members, only got together for dinner, Mom often presented stories form her work experience then. She was a doctor in an ambulance in the small city Taldykorgan. Even though I heard about different incidents, life stories and diseases from her, I hadn't felt what my mom felt, and I hadn't seen what she saw until I got to the Taldykorgan city Surgical Hospital.
I spent the first month of my ninth grade school year in the hospital. My family has enjoyed the summer swimming and fishing at lake Balkhash, one of the tourism centers in South Kazakhstan. Some hours after we got home, I started feeling pain in my stomach. Mother quickly convinced me that it was just stomach flu; but when I described it as a pain, slowly moving from the top down the right side of my stomach she took me to the hospital, where I had to be operated immediately. It was appendicitis in the last stage of development. The operation was successful and I continued my days with a tube leading out the waste of appendicitis.
I found out from my doctor that I also had a cyst which the doctor noticed in time and cut off while cutting the appendix. I was saved from the second operation on the same place because of luck. Although, my mother was a professional doctor, I couldn't escape this disease, because it was transferred by my father's genes. My three aunts, except the fourth one, all father's sisters, and even my grandma had to undergo operation for cyst.
While spending such a long period in the hospital, I met some people with more severe operations than mine. Some were because of accidents, some because of inherent diseases. Thee was nothing to do in the hospital, except eating, reading or conversing with other patients, and I found the last last pastime the most challenging an appealing. We became a sort of a community, where nobody rushed; every person had enough time to tell circumstances that brought him/ her there. Never before was I told so many different life incidents that happened in real lives.
The days I spent in the hospital changed some views toward my life and its values. Before I complained about my body shape, desiring to be perfect; about the lack of family budget, desiring to buy new clothes or books. Now I et people who had less energy or less physical capabilities than a healthy person, and it was shameful for me to complain about those things. Even though some diseases were caused by accidents or other events in one's life, many others were inherited, carried by his genes. A baby, one that doesn't even speak yet, cannot do anything if there is illness-to-come written in his genes, I on't want my children to possess a cyst as I did and to have to overcome the same adversities which I did. It's impossible now in highly developed countries to alter the structure of DNA or to predict a particular illness; but, undoubtedly, only a very few individuals in the world can afford to do so. The technologies of changing DNA sequences are found and are being developed, but still the filed of genetic engineering has to run a long way until it gets more effective and cheaper ways of processing procedures it needs.
Engineering is to create, modify and alter objects, their components and their interactions with each other. I have tasted most of subjects at school, starting from arts to law and math, and the most appealing were math and biology. I liked gathering leaves and making abstracts from them in autumn; my brother and I used to construct nests for birds when we lived in a village. All my childhood passed close to nature and its beauties. To become an accomplished engineer and change or modify what nature gives us, we need to love and understand its features, rules and benefits. It is one of the abilities I possess and plan to improve all my life. By majoring in genetic engineering, I can deepen my understanding and appreciation of nature while learning how to work with it to improve the lives of people.