I am currently a student at UTSA and I'm trying to transfer out to UT. I love UTSA, but I cannot stay for the lack of a Journalism program. I would greatly appreciate it if y'all could give me some tips and/or edits for my essay.
My current GPA is a 3.21, which I have heard is on the lower end of the average accepted GPA spectrum, due to my intense work schedule and the time I devote to the organization described in the essay, so this essay needs to be STRONG.
Please and thank you :)
Not a day goes by where I don't get asked if the silver "17" that lays flat against my chest on its matching silver chain is my boyfriend's jersey number or, thanks to my small stature, my age. It's hard to explain to people that the little silver charm means much more than silly teenage love or advertisement of my youth. The number 17 has seemingly intertwined its way throughout my life in inexplicable ways, whether it be my day of birth, the age of my first car and my first kiss or placed in front of two zeros for my SAT score. So, when I realized my calling in life, conveniently while I was also 17, I knew there could be no other magazine I rather be an editor for: Seventeen Magazine.
An active subscriber and lover of everything that fills the many pages of the teenage magazine, it was a no-brainer that I absolutely had to write for and edit the pages of the publication, but with the deliverance of my rejection letter last February, my chances seemed bleak. Even though I denied the CAP program offered to me for AP score and dual credit acceptance issues, I still longed to be a Longhorn.
Upon my admission to the University of Texas at San Antonio, I was discouraged to find that they did not have a journalism program or even a yearbook. All I found was an infamously horrendous school newspaper that seems to be the constant subject of ridicule and mockery from its students, and even its contributors. I had figured that I was doomed; doomed to no journalism courses; doomed to a school that I knew almost nothing about; doomed to a failed dream.
I took it upon myself to do what I could with what I had. I joined a philanthropic organization at school that I had become aware of in high school, For The Kids Dance Marathon at UTSA, and knew right off the bat that I wanted to do something within their communications committee that involved my two loves: talking to and connecting with young people, and writing. I felt almost as if I was interviewing for a job. There was an consultation, a panel of members deliberating my future success within the organization, and a long, long wait, but finally I was named the High School Captain of the Communications Committee. I love my position. I talk to organizations within local High Schools, even an Elementary school, and present to them to get them amped up to be involved within their community and maybe even their future alma mater.
Though my position within the committee does not allow me to write as avidly as I would like, I write as many fun and quirky emails as I can, whether it be to High Schools or other members updating them on what's been going on in the organization and how they can continue to get involved. I am also part of the pen-pal program within FTK, where I write letters to the very kids we help out and fundraise for at Christus Santa Rosa Hospital. Furthermore, I have taken it upon myself to help edit our FTK Manual, which denotes every detail and answers every little question one could possibly have about FTK. And with the launch of our FTK Blog, I hope to frequently post on there as well.
Although I did not get accepted last year, and things seemed dark at the time, "it is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any sort of self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized" (I-Ching). While my path may fall upon some road bumps along the way, it has woven itself within a brilliant organization, yet still runs along I-35 towards the University of Texas, and the never-ending goal to become an editor at Seventeen Magazine.
Might not be the best idea to bring up the rejection letter, not too sure on that one though.
"Even though I denied the CAP program offered to me for AP score and dual credit acceptance issues, I still longed to be a Longhorn." This seemed really specific, and I'm not sure what it meant.
"longed to be a Longhorn" got a smile out of me.
Don't call the news paper "horrendous", describe its poor qualities. Just veer away from the negative language in that paragraph, make it either descriptive of the negative attributes of the paper, or hopeful of the changes that will come after you transfer.
You listed three "loves"
The rest of the essay becomes a bit train of thought after that and is hard to follow, until "Although I did not get accepted..."
Drastically shorten the quote.
All in all I like the direction. Intro was excellent, middle needs organizing, end is also great. GOOD LUCK!
Thanks so much to both of your responses! Susan, I went ahead and changed those things you listed above that needed to be changed, and Rick, I did nix the who negative newspaper part and reworded to CAP program issue to make it more understandable.
I do feel like it's a little too wordy in the middle, though :/
Thanks again! :)
