"to become a music producer" - Acceptance into Art School for audio engineering

I have no clue if this is even the kind of thing im supposed to do so help is much appreciated.
the essay is one of the requirments and this is what it says

"5. Essay
The essay must be typed and a minimum of 250 words. It should outline your previous experience and incorporate how your educational goals relate to your intended career direction. The essay should highlight any extracurricular activities related to the program(s) applied for, your computer skills, and all activities that demonstrate your teamwork abilities."

is this even a feasable entry? and if so what needs to be fixed!! thanks!

My career goal is to become a music producer and push the limits of my own musical abilities. With help from the Centre for Arts and Technology I hope to gain the knowledge of the equipment and learn just how music is created to make myself a better artist and producer. I have been writing and recording my own songs for about a year and have been "remixing" and "mashing" music for about 3 years. As a producer I am POSITIVE that with knowledge, practice and guidance I can succeed in the music industry.

It all began with a program... Fruity Loops. From there Virtual DJ, Pro tools, ACID, and Cakewalk have all been the tools of my trade. With minimal knowledge of music production and recording I have been learning on my own over the years and TRULY enjoy what I do. Making loops of the catchiest sounds I have ever heard and turning them into music gives me a fulfilling feeling that is indescribable by words that exist to date. Eventually I wanted to do more than make my own beats, I want to have my own full tracks so I saved for weeks and eventually bought a mediocre microphone, my Samson CO1U USB Condenser. I collaborated with many friends as we all began our journey into music, my self-attained knowledge of my programs and music led the way for us all. Today I am prepared to move forward into making this my career. Producing, recording, and tweaking my projects can only go so far without the schooling I need.

My career goal is to become a music producer and push the limits of my own musical abilities. With help from the Centre for Arts and Technology I hope to gain the knowledge of the equipment and learn just how music is created to make myself a better artist and producer. I have been writing and recording my own songs for about a year; I have been "remixing" and "mashing" music for about years. As a producer I am POSITIVE that with knowledge, practice and guidance I can succeed in the music industry.

It all began with a program... such as Fruity Loops. From there Virtual DJ, Pro tools, ACID, and Cakewalk have all been the tools of my trade. With minimal knowledge of music production and recording I have been learning on my own over the years and TRULY enjoy what I do. Making loops of the catchiest sounds I have ever heard and turning them into music gives me a great deal of fulfillment that is indescribable by words that exist to date. Eventually I wanted to do more than make my own beats, I want to have my own full tracks so I saved for weeks and eventually bought a mediocre microphone, my Samson CO1U USB Condenser. I collaborated with many friends as we all began our journey into music, my self-attained knowledge of my programs and music led the way for us all. Today I am prepared to move forward into making this my career. Producing, recording, and tweaking my projects can only go so far without the schooling I need.

The point of the essay is to show how serious you are and how well you have developed your plan. Do you know what I mean? Opportunities are given to the applicants whose ideas reflect determination and focus. Your plan needs to have details and short term goals.

I don't like the first sentence, because I think you should never talk about "my career goal" as if you have only one. I would revise that first sentence to exclude the word "career goal," and instead later in the essay you can list several goals associated with your music.

I think you DID do a great job of showing that you are focused and planning carefully. Still the essay could explain a plan in even more detail.

It all began with a _______ (add an interesting adjective here) program: Fruity Loops. ------Also, notice that I changed that ellipsis to a colon.

I don't like this word: self-attained

Today I am prepared to move forward into making this my career -- producing, recording, and tweaking my projects can only go so far without the schooling I need.----The last sentence was a fragment (i.e. incomplete).

Good luck!! I think you can have a great little business if you set up a little recording studio and offer studio time plus digital editing service and make it very affordable. A lot of people can benefit from your knowledge. You'll be like a consultant, and maybe you can make $40 per hour just by working out of your home studio.

:-)