Heres a rough draft of the first essay just to get something written down. im looking for any ideas or suggestions to improve my essays. thanks! Here it is:
ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
One of my professional goals is to become a Physical Therapist, specializing in sports medicine, with the goal of someday becoming an athletic trainer for a professional sports team. Ever since I was a little girl, I have always been interested and affiliated with sports. Growing up I participated in traveling soccer, softball, dance, and running. I have excelled in running especially and it's the primary reason that I chose this specialty
As a high school athlete I have focused mainly on running and gymnastics. Throughout my high school career, I have been a three sport varsity athlete for all four years. Additionally I have been captain of these teams for my Junior and Senior years. My foremost goal for myself was to qualify for Illinois State meet in Track for my junior and senior year, and I have accomplished that goal thus far.
During my junior year of track, I sustained an injury requiring physical therapy. In this time I was exposed to Physical Therapy I set a goal for myself to qualify for the State meet in track, and after recovering from this injury two months later I accomplished this goal by qualifying in the 800 meter run. It made me realize that physical therapy was one of the most important steps that I took in order to achieve my goal of becoming a state qualifier. Through this experience I realized that I wanted to pursue a career in sports medicine so that I could help young athletes, like myself, overcome their injuries, and be a part of their success
you use "i" way too much, try to combine sentences and things to reduce the usage, it is extremely repetitive. also, make sure you stay on point. 2 of the 3 paragraphs talk about the past, in the question, they want to know about your future goals. all you told the, about your possessional goals is that you want to learn about physical therapy.
Thanks for the advice! I will change that right away. Also my essay seems kind of plain and boring any suggestions on how i could fix that?
This does not really work:
One of my professional goals is XXX ------> with the goal of...
Intention: One of my professional goals is to become a Physical Therapist, specializing in sports medicine, with the intention of...
The essay gives me the impression that you like sports a lot but that you should broaden your range of experiences before deciding on PT. If you have already been exposed to some possible alternatives, such as sports psychology, then it might be a good idea to let the reader know you have looked into several alternatives and that you are determined to excel in PT.
Also, put a period at the end of the first and last paragraph.
:-)
