Please be honest and critical as possible. Thanks for the replies.
As a child, my parents always use to ask, "What do you want to be when you got older." Back then, being grown seemed far off, but the years have flown by quickly. Now I am a few months away from being a legal adult. Opportunities are everywhere. Sometimes I wish I had more than one life to live because there is so much that I would like to do. After a long time of thinking, I know I want to be a pediatrician.
Since I was about thirteen years old, I have wanted to go into medicine to help sick people. At the age of six, I had surgery. I spent about two or three weeks in the hospital. Ever thing happened at such a young age I could only remember a little bit of that period because of my memory block. It all happened at my grandparents' house where I slipped and hurt my head. My parents became worried and rushed me to the emergency room. There I had to get stitches in my head. After a couple of weeks, I was not feeling good and I was always getting headaches and was always throwing up. So my parents took be back to the hospital and the doctors told them I had to get surgery in my head. At my time spent in the hospital, I had MRIs and EEG scans of my brain. Being so young, sitting in the hospital with nothing to do was so boring. Luckily, my parents were around and got me anything to keep me entertained. After the surgery, I feel like I had a big personality change. I went from being really talkative and outgoing to being shy. I do not know exactly what this change happened though.
Now I look back I remember all the amazing things those doctors have done for me. They were always willing to help. They always made sure both my family and I were doing well. It really seemed like they enjoyed their job. They have really changed my life for the better.
Now I want to be that kind of person that makes families happy. I could affect the lives of many in a much more personal way. I want to get that feeling of satisfaction from knowing that I made a difference in someone's life. People look to doctors when they have nowhere to go; doctor helps keep a sense of hope for them and their family. Knowing that I will be the person people turn to on their most unforgettable days. When there is no other hope and it will be my responsibility to solve their problem and possibly save a life gives me.
My main goal in life is to help others and make them smile. I know I still have a lot of learning and hard work to do. I believe that I can achieve those goals and with the help of a good university, I will learn the skills that will make others smile and show them happiness. . Attending the University of Illinois has always been an enormous dream of mine since I was a youngster. It has everything that I want in a university, a beautiful campus, an excellent medical program, and a diverse student body. Not only is UIC a great place to go to college, but I believe that I can be a great student at there. I would love to be a part of such an amazing university.
I am hard working and compassionate, but more than anything, I am utterly committed to a career in medicine. I understand that this is a career with many demands, both emotional and physical, but I know that I possess the energy, determination, and stamina to withstand these difficulties and to become a useful member of the medical profession.
As a child, my parents always use to ask, "What do you want to be when you gotget older.? " Back then, bB eing grown seemed far ...
After a long time ofmuch thinking, I know I want ...
I don't think this paragraph is necessary. Your essay is long as it is, and starting with an anecdote is more attention grabbing, along with less cliché, than a thesis.
Since I was about thirteen years old, I have wanted to go into medicine to help sick people.
After a couple of weeks, I was not feeling goodwell and I was always getting headaches ...
So mM y parents took be back to the hospital andwhere the doctors told them I had to getneeded surgery in my head. At my time spentWhile in the hospital, I had MRIs and EEG ...
After the surgery, I feelfelt like I had a big personality change.: I went from being really talkative and outgoing to being shy. I do not know exactly what this change happened though.
This is much more interesting than your first paragraph. It, along with the following paragraphs, gives a better sense of your love for medicine by showing your experiences. I would suggest starting with the accident though. It's much more attention grabbing and adds some continuity.
It really seemed like they enjoyed their job ,. They have really changed my lifechanging lives for the better.
What you wrote before works fine. I think these edits increase the scope of what a doctor does, but either work in my opinion.
I want to get that feeling of satisfaction from knowing that I made a difference in someone's life. People look to doctors when they have nowhere to go; doctors helps keep a ...
When there is no other hopeand it will be my responsibility (...) life gives me ? .
You seem to be missing some content in the last two sentences. Also, you might want to restructure your paragraph so that "People look to doctors..." is before "I want..." You can then tie in the last two sentences after "People look to doctors" and use some parallelism before finishing with "I want that feeling of satisfaction..."
I know I still have a lot of learning and hard work to do., but I believe that I can achieve those goals.and wW ith the help of a good university, ....
It has everything that I want in a university,: a beautiful campus, an ...
... I believe that I can be a great student at there.
You might want a second opinion on this, but I believe that this paragraph is a large, unneeded digression from your main point. Most answers to "why do you want to come here?" sound similar, and as true as your reasons are, they've heard them before.
I understand that this is a career withhas many demands, both ...
I also feel like this paragraph is unnecessary. College application essays should be as short and succinct as possible, as adcoms have a lot of people to read through. In addition, short writing packs a more powerful punch, and I feel like your fourth paragraph conveys your desires and drive much stronger than this one.
