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Becoming independent - challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this

brianalevett 1 / 2 1  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
Becoming More Independent

My time is limited and I have come to a realization that I cannot live another individual's life. For many of my early teenage years, I suffered from listening to the clamor of others' opinions which ultimately drowned out my own inner voice. There were times where I felt as though I could not connect with the inner spirit that dwelled inside of me and who she identified herself as. Voices. Ringing inside my head. Would I ever get a break? Would I ever be capable of exploring my own thoughts? I felt trapped inside my own body. Trying to build up the courage to fulfill my own desires seemed like a dream that would never come true. From the demands and expectations of my parents, teachers, and peers, the subtle fight for my own independence has truly been a struggle.

In my freshman and sophomore years of high school, the fear of rejection, the fear of being alone, and the fear of the future made it difficult to be autonomous. However, in my junior and senior years, I have gradually gained independence by understanding where my own priorities truly lie. No longer do I feel the need to rely on my counterparts for validation and the feeling of being accepted. The more open I became to interacting with others, the more I found my voice, and learned to express myself in a clear and concise manner; I sought to hold myself accountable for success through public speaking and leadership roles. Undertaking various leadership roles such as being apart of the Link Crew and Peer Mediation program have allowed me the courage to follow my heart and intuition, and ultimately discover my self confidence.

The challenge of becoming more independent has affected my academic achievement in a positive manner. Because I exercised the power to make my own decisions, my independence grew, and eventually I was doing many things independent from my core group of friends because I knew what steps to take in order to succeed and be prepared for college. Those particular steps entail studying hard to maintain a high GPA and working hard to gain my involvement in the San Diego Delta Leadership Development Program and Girl Scouts of America. The Leadership Development Intern Program is a three-year program that utilizes an exceedingly selective interviewing and selection process to select a maximum of 20 "high-achieving" high school (Grades 10 - 12) girls in the community.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,686 4759  
Dec 10, 2016   #2
Brianna, this essay sounds like a college application essay. Am I right? If I am, I wonder if there is more to the prompt that you actually have written. Would you mind posting the full prompt here so that I can compare the instructions with your content? Your essay seems to not have a real closing statement at this point so I hope you are just looking at this version as a draft and not a final version. By the way, I also need the word count requirement so that we can work together on editing the essay in a manner that meets the word count.

Consider shortening the opening statement. It is too dramatic for effect and doesn't really do anything except restate the prompt in more ways than one. You actually need only a basic opening statement that directly responds to the question provided. Choose one memorable incident that showed how you overcame your reliance on others and ushered in the independent you. Don't explain your independence, prove that you passed through a logical progression in order to overcome the obstacle that prevented you from becoming independent.

As for your concluding paragraph, I am not really sure if you want to close the essay on an explanation about the the leadership program. This part of the essay seems to represent more about the background and objectives of the group rather than actually discussing how you became independent because of it. I really believe that you should not close the essay at this point. There should be either room to properly close the sentiment or edit for relevance. At this point, your essay is an unfinished draft.

Please provide the necessary guidance material as soon as you can. It will really help in better addressing the adjustments, changes, and problems with your essay. Thanks.
Doomsdayrefugee 1 / 2  
Dec 12, 2016   #3
Hello,Brianalevett.I'm an undergraduate and major in English.I also want to be helped via this website.So at first,I must answer someone's question.The following is my suggestions.

My time is limited and I have come to a realizationcome to realize that I cannot live ...
... the inner spirit that dwelled inside of mein my heart of hearts and whowhom she identified herself as.

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