I live in Indonesia. Here, the school (public school) you can go depends on your previous school and examination grades.
For my high school education, I go to SMAN 2 Madiun, where the brightest students from the region gather. There's competition atmosphere to earn stellar credentials to be accepted in ITB, the Indonesian version of MIT, or other top-tier universities. Grades are extremely hard to earn; the teachers put higher standards since the students are mostly straight-A's in their previous schools. Everyone strives.
Most of my school's graduates go to Indonesia's best universties. However, going to world's best universities is generally considered far from reach, mostly because of the common disparaging stereotype that Indonesians are inferior than other nationalities in science, which I have never let myself to believe. Being a world-class scientist has been my dream since I was 5, the first time I watched Discovery Channel. The prospect of researching and inventing things fascinated me even until now. As far as history has proven, except Einstein, one has to get world-class education to be a world-class scientist, so I have to go to world-class university with rich research resources.
My belief, that Indonesians are not inferior in science, has been proven by my own bestfriend Eric. Formerly ranked 100th in his class, he's now studying Computer Science in NTU, Singapore, one of the best in the world. He can be the first Madiunese to go to NTU, why can't I be the first to go to MIT?
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1. Does it answer the question?
2. Who am I based on the essay?
Please consider keeping the explanation about my school in your review, because I have to explain why my grades are not A's (this is MIT :D). Just for overview, I alwaysget the highest score in my city for national exam since in elementary school, now rank 1st in my class, but my average grade is only about 87. I'd get stellar grades in other schools, but I didn't think about applying to MIT when I enrolled myself in this school; it didn't matter for me as Indonesian universities respect my school's grades more than others in the region. However, the reputation of my school doesn't reach MIT, thus the only thing that MIT can see from my report is my grades -.-"
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I can assure you that if you submit anything like this to MIT, you will be rejected. As you are well aware, MIT is a top university. At this level, there simply is no room for excuses and stereotypes. Indonesia has sent quite a few students to MIT in recent year as you can see here: web.mit.edu/ais-mit/www/members.html, and these are just the students that join this group, many others don't. What you should spend time talking about are what have you done to prepare for the rigorous MIT program? What steps have you taken to explore science? MIT, like most top schools, will compare you regionally, meaning that you will be compared against your countrymen first. This means that if your scores are the highest, they will see that. No need to point that out to them. Furthermore, your SAT scores will also serve as a great equalizer. In closing, spend more time discussing what qualifications you have that make you a great candidate for the degree rather than begging for the adcoms to look past your grades. - Admissions Advice Online
Hi there. I'm an Indonesian too, just like you. And I cannot give you specific advice, but I will tell you this : there are times when you think you have done well while really others have done more. I know students who excelled their grades, got high SAT, won various medals in international olymp and still did not make it. So probably, you should reevaluate yourself and not make excuses for your condition.
I like your spirit, though
Best of luck!
Hi, I'm Zhang from China. It seems that you forgot to give us the essay prompt, preventing us from providing you with useful suggestions.
To be honest, this essay isn't effective and pursuasive enough to get your admission to MIT. You need to improve your writing styles first, as you are using plenty of words while conveying limited information about yourself. Second, the description regarding your peers and Indonesian educational system should be no more than several sentences. And the most importantly, elaborate on your passion for MIT. Ask yourself what specific opportunities available here meet your aspirations and what you may contribute to the MIT community. Do more research by visiting MIT and other websites and focus on yourself, instead of your friends or graduates from your high school.
Hope my advices are helpful for you.
how about this?
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Tell us about the world you come from, how did it shape your dreams and aspiration?
I live in Madiun, a city consisted of about 200,000 people, which I surprisingly felt small in high school. I couldn't find a coach for my debate team, while none of my english teachers had capability in debate. I couldn't find a college lecturer to train me for informatics olympiad. These conditions taught me to be a good fighter and manager, but I still wish that I lived in bigger city with bigger opportunities.
The feeling struck me most when I'm applying to American colleges, pursuing my dream; I have no resource and reference except the internet. I have to fill "I can't find my school" in ACT and SAT registration forms because nobody from my city have taken them before. I have to train my teachers about the online application system, as none of them have done it before. I wake up at 2 a.m. everyday to find time for essay writing as I still have many homeworks to do, the school is still running.
But I'm surrounded by dreamers : my mother, my father, and my bestfriend Eric. Both of my parents had to finance their college education by themselves. Eric, although he has autism, is the first Madiunese to go to NTU, Singapore, one of the best university in the world. People around me made me believe that I can achieve my dreams, that efforts will eventually be paid off.
