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Best advice essay on "Hakuna matata" (from The Lion King)



navalava 6 / 30  
Aug 29, 2010   #1
I have to write about the best advice I have ever given or received. The word limit is 250, but I went 100 words over it. If anyone can help me cut out unnecessary parts, I would really appreciate it. Also, I'm not very happy with how this essay turned out, and am considering writing a new one. Do you think I should do that, or is it possible to make this essay sound better? Here it is:

In my childhood, whenever I did something that demanded a lot of effort, I received a sugar crystal. As I grew older, whenever I did something that demanded a lot of effort...I received a nod. Not that nods are bad, but I wanted something more. Something that would invigorate me and restore some energy back into my monotonous routine. Something that would free my soul from its shackles and allow me to stare at the world in wide-eyed wonder once again. I wanted something that would make me see the world in a whole new perspective.

The best advice I have ever been given comes from one of my favorite childhood movies: The Lion King. As simba lay depressed over the death of his father, his newly found friend Timon gave him some advice to cope with his loss. He said "Hakuna Matata" (meaning 'no worries'). There is something profoundly remarkable about having no worries. The very concept is alien to our highly competitive world.

As I entered my junior year, homework and stress increased dramatically. AP classes were unlike any other class I had ever encountered. Multiple-choice questions were taken to a whole new level of thinking and timed essays left me scrambling for words. Along with my classes came the commitments of the various clubs in which I had assumed active roles. Preparation for Chess tournaments, Science Olympiad competitions, and HOSA conferences took up a large chunk out of my time. As the relentless flow of work absorbed most of my time, I began to feel like the little simba in the movie. I felt overwhelmed.

Timon's advice proved to be an invaluable asset in dealing with stress. Every night after finishing my homework, I created my personal 'hakuna matata'. I turned off the lights, sat in my swiveling chair and gazed out at the night sky. With my ipod quietly playing one of Mozart's symphonies, I was able to drag my mind away from the quagsmire of the past and future and focus on the present.

freezard7734 17 / 144  
Aug 29, 2010   #2
I was going to have some sentences rephrased as I read along... but I think I have a better idea to lower your word count. As I read your first paragraph, I thought your essay would have to do with finding rewards or some alternative to rewards. However, right after you talk about your advice. To me, the first paragraph seems to be out of context in regards to the essay as a whole. If you don't mind, I suggest that you cut the first paragraph out of the essay...
OP navalava 6 / 30  
Aug 29, 2010   #3
Hmm, maybe you're right. Yes, I think I'll cut it.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Aug 31, 2010   #4
Well... it is a great discussion, and a great idea. To cut out those words, I would lop off the first paragraph altogether. It is not necessary, even though is has some good sentences. It has an incomplete sentence that needs to be merged in order to be grammatically correct:

Something that would invigorate me and restore some energy back into my monotonous routine -- something that would free my soul from its shackles and allow me to stare at the world in wide-eyed wonder once again.


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