The best day of my life. Virginia Tech Essay

gum101 1 / 1

Sep 25, 2014 #1

The best day of my life (so far) was... Please tell a story that allows us to experience your best day(so far)

"Tomorrow's a big day." said the director as I arrived at the Pittsburgh headquarters. Tired and weary, I mindlessly went to bed. The next morning, our team was scheduled to meet with refugee children. As a domestic missionary, I was worried; I felt that I would not be able to interact with them because of our different backgrounds. When I arrived at the park, my negative feelings quickly disappeared as I began meeting the children. "Hey what's your name?" I said as I approached a little girl. "Rose" she said as she flew higher and higher her face brightened with joy. At that moment, I realized how much these children needed us. Our brotherly love and support is what they were lacking in their day to day lives. As I became more conscious of my influence on them, I was elated. I was able to give them genuine love and care while they found the joy in the smallest of things. When it was time to leave, Rose gave me a hug and said "I can't wait until you come back tomorrow!". Overwhelmed with feelings I began tearing up. The Dalai Lama once said, "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." From something so small I had gained so much more. My experience with Rose proved that happiness is contagious; and this is why it stands out as my best day ever

this is about 230 words
please help me out!

vangiespen - / 4077

Sep 25, 2014 #2

Gum, you forgot to tell us what kind of help you need :-) Do you need help in dealing with the prompt? Expanding the word content? I'm not exactly sure how I can be of help here. Having read the short paragraph you have written has given me some ideas about which sections you could extend though. So maybe giving me a heads up on the word count will help me guide you towards the expansion of your essay? Anyway, here's my take on your essay:

"Tomorrow's a big day." said the director as I arrived at the Pittsburgh headquarters. Tired and weary, I mindlessly went to bed. The next morning, our team was scheduled to meet with refugee children.

- Headquarters of what? Why were you meeting refugee children? What team were you a part of and what was your team tasked to do during the meeting with the children?

As a domestic missionary, I was worried; I felt that I would not be able to interact with them because of our different backgrounds.

- As a what? I think you could explain a bit more about what your job is. Also, you need to clarify why you feared not being able to interact with the kids because of different backgrounds.

"Rose" she said as she flew higher and higher her face brightened with joy.

- Why was she flying higher and higher? What exactly were you doing with the kids?

At that moment, I realized how much these children needed us.

- What exactly are the backgrounds of these children? Why do you say that they need your group?

As I became more conscious of my influence on them, I was elated. I was able to give them genuine love and care while they found the joy in the smallest of things. When it was time to leave, Rose gave me a hug and said "I can't wait until you come back tomorrow!". Overwhelmed with feelings I began tearing up.

- I think you need to develop a paragraph that explains how this became the best day ever for you (so far). Right now, it just seems like you were babysitting kids in a park.

The Dalai Lama once said, "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." From something so small I had gained so much more. My experience with Rose proved that happiness is contagious; and this is why it stands out as my best day ever

- I suggest that you make this your introduction and work your way from there. This is actually the hook that your paper needs to keep the reader glued to the paper. It also helps us understand how the events of the day led to the best day of your life (so far).

I hope I was able to help. Once you give more detailed instructions, I will try to give you more detailed advice as well :-)

OP gum101 1 / 1

Sep 25, 2014 #3

I have one question about one of the things you mentioned. Domestic Missionary, wouldn't they know what a missionary is? as the definition of missionary is someone being sent to do religious work, especially promoting Christianity, so domestic missionary is basically doing missionary work inside the united states?

I also want help expanding the essay like you mentioned and really trying to allude to the readers that this is my best day ever

Word Count is 237

vangiespen - / 4077

Sep 25, 2014 #4

- Gum, you are assuming that everyone who reads your paper is highly religious and familiar with the missionary life, but what if the person who reads this essay is an atheist who does not believe in organized religion? He won't be very familiar with what a missionary is and what work you do. That is why it is always best to give an overview of your occupation whenever there is a possibility of confusion or perhaps the reader not knowing what a certain occupation is about although they are familiar with its general definition. For example, I know what a missionary is, but what makes a missionary different from a domestic missionary? Do you belong do a congregation outside the United States and you just came to the country to do missionary work like the Mormons do? After all, you mentioned a Pittsburgh office, so that means you are not in the area where your congregation originated from?

Explaining the kind of experience that you have had as a missionary will also help explain why you believe that this particular day is the best of all the days you have had doing missionary work. Compare your past missionary work with this particular day. That is one way of discussing this theme. As for alluding to the readers regarding this being your best day ever, I believe I have supplied you with some guidelines that can help you achieve that. I'll work with you for as long as needed to get this essay to where you want it to be. Just be patient with the revisions though :-) We may be in for a number of them ;-)

lbhux13 4 / 6

Sep 25, 2014 #5

It would be good if you kind of explained somewhere in the essay exactly what you were doing or what a domestic missionary is. Throughout the essay, I was kind of confused as to what was going on and why this is the best day of your life. Good luck!