An essay pertaining to why I would like to be a hokie (Virginia tech)

insight/ proofreading please

prompt: What are the top five reasons you want to be a Hokie? 300 word max

Becoming a Hokie at Virginia Tech would be a lifelong accomplishment to me. Both my Father, Adam, and my aunt Melissa have given me a strong sense association to Virginia Tech since I was a child. I admire the plentiful benefits that Virginia tech offers it's students. As an outgoing person, I am sure I would excel in a large student body that gives off such a strong sense of community. I would very much look forward to making friends and integrating into such a healthy and large student body. While campus life is an important aspect to me, I want to be sure that I am working towards a valid and clear goal throughout my education at tech. Because of this, I am strongly inclined to the wide array of career paths offered; specifically Landscaping; a career path that I have already advanced myself in. In addition to the appeal of Virginia Tech's student body, the appeal of an award winning campus meal program is another reason to be a Hokie. Myself and my family have grown up eating home cooked meals at the dinner table every night, and the rather bland and sometimes unhealthy food choices at other colleges worry me. Lastly, I believe being a Hokie does not exist without being in Blacksburg. After visiting the campus and the town, I genuinely appreciate the landscape both outside and inside the town. The town to me gave off a strong combination of quaintness and a vibrancy that comes from the people; both the students and residents. The reasons above outline a few of the many ways I envision myself as a Hokie in my home state of Virginia.

Andrea, are your father and aunt legacy students from Virginia Tech? The only reason that you should be mentioning their names in this essay is if they are alumna in the university and you are coming in as a continuation of that legacy pattern. If they are not part of a legacy, then there is no sense in mentioning them. In fact, while you did mention that they influenced your desire to attend the university, you failed to qualify how they did that. I suggest that you just remove their names if their names have nothing to do with the legacy standard.

Your reasons for wishing to be a Hokie are not really related to the academic opportunities the university offers. Usually, these statements try to relate to the learning opportunities. You have to make sure that you balance the good offerings of the town, campus community, and learning avenues in your reasons. By the way, using the food as a major point for choosing the university isn't really a very good reason to offer. Try to find some light but compelling reasons for your decision. Look at the sample essays here, all of which have very good insights into how to write this statement. Those will be useful guidelines for you to base your responses on.