Hi guys im working on my nyu transfer supplement. so help and comments will be greatly appreciated!!!
WHY NYU?
I am looking for the best learning environment for me to grow. I want to find a place where I can challenge myself both in my academics and extracurriculars. A friend of mine who is a current student at NYU introduced me to many of the aspects of the college and I learned that this place would be filled with opportunities for me.Having spent a year at SUNY XXX, I want to experience a completely new culture, a beau monde filled with heterogeneous study bodies and erudite scholars. Given that NYU has campuses across different continents around the world, needless to say, NYU attracts a very diverse group of students from multitudinous backgrounds. This is so important to being a global citizen, and this is something I could never experience in SUNY XXX. Furthermore, the remoteness of SUNY XXX definitely set asunder myself with the financial world. My greatest ambition in life is to able to work in the financial world, I want to live in a society that will foster my business knowledge both socially and academically.This summer I came to NYU transfer information session and campus tour to explore and get a feel for the campus. The life being inside a campus within the confines of a cosmopolitan center gave me a sense of belonging and consolation. I can say it's the best experience I've every had in the States.
anyone?? pls help me pls!
I am looking for the best learning environment in which to grow.
A friend of mine who is a current student at NYU introduced me to many of the aspects of the college, and I learned that this college would be filled with opportunities for me.---Don't forget to always leave a space between sentences!
Having spent a year at SUNY XXX, I now want to experience a completely new culture, a beau monde filled with heterogeneous study bodies and erudite scholars.
Given that NYU has campuses across different continents around the world, needless to say, NYU attracts a very diverse group of students from multitudinous backgrounds. Yes, this is needless to say. Use your sentences to affirm powerful ideas and intentions. I think you should include this sentence, but express the idea in 50% of the words.
...definitely set asunder myself with the financial world.----Asunder is a very rare word... and the way you used it here seems wrong. It is just very uncommon. I think you should revise this sentence and not use that word.
My greatest ambition in life is to able to work in the financial world, I want to live in a society that will foster my business knowledge both socially and academically.----I don't think your greatest ambition is to BE something. I think it is to DO something. What problem do you want to solve in this world?
I can say it's the best experience I've every ever had in the States.
thank you very much!
Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
I am looking for the best learning environment in which to grow. I want to find a place where I can challenge myself both in my academics and extracurriculars. Having spent a year at SUNY Purchase, I now want to experience a completely new culture, a beau monde filled with heterogeneous student bodies and erudite scholars.
Studying at Purchase was an exhilarating experience in multitude aspects; one of the biggest advantages of Purchase is the rapport between students and professors. My mathematics professor Marty Lewinter once said to me "Being good is not good enough, you must excel" The word 'good' present reeks of mediocrity and I learned the only way to gain respect is to be preeminent in my academics. Professor Lewinter not only knew he has the obligation to edify our mathematical knowledge, but he equally stressed the importance of inculcating his students meticulously through his moral codes in the hopes of the student will succeed in life. Purchase taught me about being a self-determined, amenable and buoyant person.
Whenever I eat sushi, I have a peculiar propensity to eat the best piece of the sushi till last. There was this one time when I was given a plate of twenty-five piece of sushi and I devoured them according to their superiority. As I reached to the apex of excitement, my stomach was so stuffed that I lost all my voracity. The lesson on Carpe Diem taught us that one should "Pluck the day, trusting as little as possible in the future." Since then, I became conscious with my opportunities to seek for a more prestigious education that fits my professional endeavors.
While I've always had an aspiration to be attached with the financial world, I was an oxymoron by entering college as a biology major, I soon became aware that I made the wrong decision and I immediately switched my major to economics after the first semester of freshman year. Purchase was well renowned for its fine art, music and dance conservatories, which ultimately connotes that less emphasis is placed on the economics department. A university with strong economics department and program is imperative to the success of my academic goals, not exclusively because I believe a stronger program means a higher sophisticated faculty but also believe that prestigious schools offers higher-end internship opportunities from large firms, something I can never acquire at Purchase.
Heres the second part of my essay. can anyone provide me more comments? thanks a bunch
anyone?
i did some corrections again.
I am looking for the best learning environment in which to grow. I want to find a place where I can challenge myself both in my academics and extracurriculars. Having spent a year at SUNY Purchase, I now want to experience a completely new culture, a beau monde filled with heterogeneous student bodies and erudite scholars.
Studying at Purchase was an exhilarating experience in multitude aspects and one of the greatest advantages I gained was the rapport between students and professors. My mathematics professor Marty Lewinter once said to me "Being good is not good enough, you must excel" The word 'good' present reeks of mediocrity and I learned the only way to gain respect is to be preeminent in my academics. Professor Lewinter not only knew he has the obligation to edify our mathematical knowledge, but he equally stressed the importance of inculcating his students meticulously through his moral codes in the hopes of the student will succeed in life. Purchase not only made me more assertive and amenable, but also made me understand that I would have to take everything in my own hands.
Whenever I eat sushi, I have a peculiar propensity to eat the best piece of the sushi till last. There was this one time when I was given a plate of twenty-five piece of sushi and I devoured them according to their superiority. As I reached to the apex of excitement, my stomach was so stuffed that I lost all my voracity. The lesson on Carpe Diem taught us that one should "Pluck the day, trusting as little as possible in the future." Since then, I look at everything with an open mind and conscious to explore different institutions that will cultivate my professional endeavors.
While I've always had an aspiration to be attached with the financial world, I was an oxymoron by entering college as a biology major, I soon became aware that I made the wrong decision and I immediately switched my major to economics after the first semester of freshman year. Purchase is well renowned for its fine art, music and dance conservatories, which ultimately connotes that less emphasis is placed on the economics department. A college with strong economics department and program is imperative to the success of my academic goals, not solely because I regard a stronger program means a higher sophisticated faculty but also believe that prestigious schools offers higher-end internship opportunities due to their relationship with large firms, something I can never obtain at Purchase.
Doing anything involves risk, which includes getting into any schools that I applied to. However, I am a person that embraces challenges and perseveringly overcome challenges merely because there are risks one has to take in order to grow.
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