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Biculturalism - Common app for Brandeis - Topic of choice



Tami Conrad 1 / 3  
Jan 12, 2013   #1
A bicultural upbringing can be both a blessing and a curse. "Will I be accepted?" "How can I fit in?" were questions that went through my mind as I dealt with the fact that I looked different, and came from a very different family, than almost all the other Ecuadorian children around me. My father, who is from the States, often spoke to me in English, something I didn't appreciate at all. The fact is, I never really learned English as a child, and I never spoke to my father in English. In spite of my blond hair and white skin, I was determined to be 100% Ecuadorian. As a result, in elementary school I worked hard at making friends and fitting in, and with my peers at school I was the Super Latina, a soccer fan and a lover of Latin TV and Latin Dance. But the education in our small town in Ecuador wasn't always up to my mother's expectations so she moved us to the capital where schools were generally better. That year I had an excellent teacher for world history who, it turned out, was more bicultural than I. She had lived in several countries and told us wonderful stories about her experiences which convinced me I wanted to travel, and study, and see the world. And that is how I ended up in Arcata, CA, attending high school in the states at the invitation of a friend of my parents. In California things were suddenly reversed. Now I didn't stand out for being white and blond, I stood out for being a South American with a strange accent. The American students seemed better prepared academically, and didn't take much interest in foreign students like me. I had to work a lot harder than I expected, there was far more reading than I was used to, and I had to learn how to write essays, something that is poorly taught in Ecuador. On top of that my spoken English was very limited. But I love to put myself in new situations where I'm forced to work hard and adapt, and now, over the course of two years, my spoken and written English has improved dramatically, and I've grown in many ways.

Yes, I am the product of a bicultural family who has had to work to fit into either culture. In spite of the difficulties I've faced, I now realize that many of the opportunities I've had are due precisely to the fact that my family is bicultural. My parents were open to exposing me to both worlds. They pushed me even when I resisted. And that influence has defined who I am and what I want more than any other factor. Naturally, I still consider my primary identity as Latin American, but now that I've had the chance to explore the other side of my heritage, I've promised my father that one day soon I'll speak with him, at last, in English.

tutu51595 6 / 19  
Jan 14, 2013   #2
-" in elementary school I worked hard to make friends and fit in ,"
-wonderful stories about her experiences which convinced me I wanted to travel, and study, and see the world."- i dont think the study part is necessary

-there were far more reading assignments than... or there was much more reading than...
- "On top of that (,) my spoken english...

Other than these mistakes, i thought you did a very good job. Nice Work!
OP Tami Conrad 1 / 3  
Jan 14, 2013   #3
Thank you so much; I didn't see those errors. :)
jkjeremy - / 380  
Jan 14, 2013   #4
---There's a cliche in the very first sentence of this essay.
---This cliche (the blessing/curse thing) sounds like the main idea of the essay but you haven't really made a case for either part.

---You begin too many sentences with coordinating conjunctions.
---It ends nicely.
OP Tami Conrad 1 / 3  
Jan 14, 2013   #5
Thanks for the comments! I will work on them.


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