The Big Move to Jordan at the age of eight. Common App 2015-2016 Prompt College Essay.

Please tell me what you think and thank you!

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

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It's funny if I think about it ... I can remember it clear as day, like as if it happened only just yesterday. I could still remember that feeling that I had before when my parents told me it was time to move again. I was only eight at the time. At this point in my life, moving became like a second nature, but this move in particular hit me like a truck. My dad got offered a job in the Middle East, Jordan. I couldn't decide whether this was something I should look forward to or something that will cause me to face more problems, but all I could do was wait.

Before I arrived to Jordan, I started thinking about what it would be like there. Would I be able to adjust? Would I make friends? Questions like that were going through my head, but with no answers. After eight years of living in the States, I moved to an environment that was totally different from where I came from. It was really challenging for me because I had to adapt quickly. Meeting new people also requires making new friends which was not so easy for me. As a new third grader at an all Arab school, I felt as if I was invisible in the classroom. Thankfully, I grew up with an Arabic speaking family which was a relatively similar dialect to the people in Jordan, however I was still looked down by other kids and was not treated right. Shyness had overcome me, I sat quietly and alone everyday in class and tried not to look at anyone while the other kids would stare at me and laugh. I did not know why, I seemed to feel excluded and like an outcast. Here I was, missing my friends back in Boston and wanted to leave Jordan and never come back.

The first two years of that school was absolute hell for me so my parents thought it was a good idea for me to switch schools. So I did. I tried to stop being so anxious and scared of new opportunities and people and decided to start fresh. I simply wanted to enjoy school and all the education that could be offered without restrictions from fear of bullying. This school was really different than the other one. The people there were exactly like me. They were all coming from different countries. That was how I met my now best friend, Selin. She too came from the States and had to move and had the same struggles I had to face alone. I started to enjoy going to school more, the academic courses became easier for me and it was because of my hard work. Towards the end of my fourth year staying in Jordan, part of me wanted me to stay but other part was filled with happiness that I get to go back home to the States. Still wondering to this very day about what would have been like if I had stayed in America and never went to Jordan and not ever known about who I really was and where I really came from. The experience was very pivotal in my life, this experience has shaped who I am today giving me an identity of who I really am. Ever since then, I've become more out-going, more confident, and more optimistic.

Tacolol, a common mistake among the students who answer this prompt is that they always fall back on their early and childhood experiences as their response to the prompt. This is exactly what you did and that is exactly the wrong response to the prompt. This prompt is meant to bring to light your maturity as an individual. How you handle changes in your life and a change in your perspective from child to adult are some of the factors that the reviewer would want to see represented in this essay.

I understand that as a child of 8, you were really affected by the constant moving of your family because of work. As a child though, you were always reliant on your parents for everything. So you had no choice but to follow them and adjust as best as you could to your surroundings. The keyword in that story is "child". The prompt asks for an event that happened in your life that transitioned you from being a "child" to being an "adult" That is what needs to be represented in the essay. Right now, your current essay cannot be considered as a useful response to the prompt.

Try to think back to a time when your parents decision did not matter in a situation because you had to make the decision yourself. Or think of that pivotal moment in time when your parents told you or showed you that they would trust your judgement regarding a certain matter. Maybe your parents offered you the opportunity to take part in a particular family tradition reserved for the "older" adults. These are some situations that could better represent your transition to adulthood. Perhaps you have some sort of story to tell along those lines? One example I can think of is, perhaps your parents are trusting you to choose which school you will be attending for college? Maybe they have offered you the opportunity to set down roots in a particular place by attending school there? That would be quite a solid example of a transition story on your part. Remember, it cannot be a story from your childhood. You have to be at least 15, 16, or older for the story and event to qualify for the prompt requirements.

Well, tacolol, since this particular college gave you a topic to write about, you have to abide by it, otherwise you can always choose a different college or organization.

Now, let's tackle your essay;

- It's funny if I think about it ..., ( never add a continuous period on your essay )
- I can remember it clearlyas day ,
- like as if it happened only just yesterday.

- Before I arrived toin Jordan,
- Shyness had overcomereigned on me,
- I did not know why, I seemed to feelfelt excluded

- what would have been like if I had stayed in America
- not evernever known about
- shaped who I am today, giving me an identity of who I really am.
- Ever sS ince then, I've become

There you have it, I hope my remarks helped. Be careful of your word usage, in writing an essay, choose the words that can denote a positive outcome on your essay and this will transcend to the admissions staff.

I wish you the best of luck!!!