Hello, I'm trying to apply to college as transfer student.
Since I'm international student, I'm worry that I might write wrong sentences that can't understand or awkward.
Please give me feed back and suggestions to how to fix it if possible.
Also, do you think my essay is related to topic?
Thank you so much!
Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.
In my country, Korea, there are orders in life. People who are falling behind these orders, they might continue to feel inferior. Following these orders, however, doesn't mean they have confidence, yet, they remain unsure of themselves. If you ask why? They believe, of course, everyone else is doing it. Growing in this environment, I also had a similar perspective.
When I was 25, I first learned about riding a bike. When I went to the park, even 5 years old children could ride a bike. I was about 20 years later than them. All my friends and acquaintances asked me, "You still don't know how to ride a bike?" At first, I was ashamed and embarrassed. I felt like I'm stupid that I was the only one who can't do what others can. At the beginning, I only practiced early in the morning since it was difficult for me to admit in front of others that I have never learned to ride a bike until now and also felt fearful of failure and of showing myself up. However, I realized learning could bring happiness and nothing to be ashamed of. Others might laugh at me, struggling with a bike as big as my body size, but my face was beaming with smiles and people could also see me as having fun. After repeated falling off and got back up for a thousand times, I had a feeling that might succeed in riding a bike. That feeling was the one keep stimulating me to try, but not to quit. At one point, I stopped feeling self-conscious and enjoyed the moment. The time I finally succeed, I could get a sense of pride and my heart was full. It could be a trivial experience to someone, but to me, it changed the way I think.
Thus, I went a little further, made a new goal, a bike trip. While on a bicycle trip, I could enjoy the familiar scenery from a different view. It was not so grand, but experiencing new things had tangible functional benefits in the way I think and act. Through any experience, even trifling one, I could be grounded and materialized in the real world. By doing so, I could make my life more meaningful and better plan for myself. I do not doubt that people will also have "You still can't do" things as well. In that case, let's say "I still have something to learn and that is a good thing."
People don't have to have any sense of inferiority even when they can't do what others can.
People don't have to be arrogant even when they can do what others cannot do.
People don't have to take for granted their accomplishments even when everyone achieved.
In this way, I can be myself, light up my life, and feel alive, not just be alive.
Taking a first example by you learning to ride a bike, I think it's good move. Learning to ride a bicycle is something that almost anyone have tried to learn, so it's easy to be associated with readers. Then you escalate the story, from as basic as learning to ride a bike, to do a bicycle trip. The message you try to convey to reader is easy and very related to everyone.