The birth of an unprecedented lifetime bond. Amherst supplement quote response.

Hi can anyone please review my Amherst supp. I am supposed to reply to this quote:
"Creating an environment that allows students to build lasting friendships, including those that cut across seemingly entrenched societal and political boundaries... requires candor about the inevitable tensions, as well as about the wonderful opportunities, that diversity and inclusiveness create"

The birth of an unprecedented lifetime bond.

here is my essay:
Three years ago, I was selected along with 29 other teenagers from all over Tunisia to go on an exchange year in the US. Thanks to this program, I've spent the best times of my life and developed whole new aspects of myself.

This program was founded after the terrorist attacks of 9/11. It allows students from countries with significant Muslim populations to travel to the United States to tell as many people, including their host families, as they can about their cultures. We were the 10th class of an ongoing process to build lifetime relationships that "cut across seemingly entrenched societal and political boundaries." Thanks to this program, i now have a second family with whom I developed a strong bond based on honesty and acceptance. We were more than just polite to each other, we were comfortable speaking our minds about the simplest things like preferences and values. This exchange of cultural differences only drew closer.

Being tolerant and ready to face differences between one another is what made this program successful and so dear to my heart. With every student meeting his host family, making them a dish from his home country or joining the house chores schedule we were slowly contributing into making the world a little more tolerant. Both sides of the exchange experience get a hands-on experience on what it is like to love and respect the other regardless of the stereotypes associated with him. It is putting aside all expectations and being open for whatever it is that is coming your way and, most of the time, the result is the birth of an unprecedented lifetime bond.

Noor, when you mention that you were part of a program, it will be easier for the reviewer to believe that you were really a participant in it once you mention the name of the program along with the duration dates of your stay in the U.S. This is highly important information that the reviewer will want to verify with the office of the program. It will increase your chances of being selected for a student slot at Amherst if you can prove that you have an existing record of having come to the USA and leaving on the scheduled date.

Overall, the presented information highlights the important aspects of the quote that you are responding to. You have a solid understanding of the requirements and have truly shared the acceptable explanation of how you embody the quotation as a Muslim citizen who looks forward to opening the eyes of the world to the true values of your culture, religion, and heritage. It will be a highly informative essay once it is presented to the reviewer for consideration.

Thank you! so you think this is all i need to add?

Yes, that is all you need to add. I know that the essay will probably change in content, angle, or theme once you do this so I will not tell you that the essay will be in final form after this addition. I will tell you that the essay will be in 2nd draft mode and will probably need to have some more work done to adjust the content overall. What we will try to do is make sure that the essence of this original essay will not be lost once the additional information is presented in the paper. Be prepared to make a few adjustments if necessary. I will make sure to review the paper as soon as possible once you have uploaded it. The essay is really strong and the added information will only serve to strengthen the paper. I will make sure that you deliver the original sense of the essay within the revised version. Feel free to ask me questions if you feel like you need to as you develop the revision. I'll be happy to clarify any doubts you might have.

I agree with Holt, everything is fine besides forgetting to give the program's name. If you give the name, then the admissions officer at Amherst will most likely believe that you were a part of it and could contact the program to make sure you actually contributed. The essay topic you used was overall very good and you addressed the prompt really well. I as a Muslim agree that we have to open the people's eye about our religion and culture and you portrayed that image of how you did that in your program really well and I am glad you took that opportunity and made yourself a better person to society.

How about adding more information about the background of the program (how the 911 attacks are related to this scholarship; why it was established).

@Holt
Thank you for offering your help! can you please tell me what you think of this version?

I took part in the Kennedy Lugar Youth Exchange and Study program, funded by the US department of state, back in the 2013/2014 academic year. This program was started after the terrorist attacks of 9/11/2001. It allows students from countries with significant muslim populations to spend one academic year in the United States. I was part of an ongoing process to build relationships that "cut across seemingly entrenched societal and political boundaries." Thanks to this program, I now have a second family with whom I developed a strong bond based on honesty and acceptance. We were more than just polite to each other, we were comfortable speaking our minds about the simplest things from the fact that american bread is sweeter than Tunisian bread to trying to agree on the definition of Terrorism. This exchange of cultural and individual diversities only drew us closer.

Being tolerant and ready to face differences between one another is what made this program successful and so dear to my heart. With every student meeting her host family, making them a dish from her home country or joining the house-chore schedule we were slowly contributing into making the world a little more tolerant. Both sides of the cultural exchange get a hands-on experience on what it is like to love and respect the other regardless of the stereotypes associated with them. In fact, these stereotypes are destroyed the minute a family opens its doors to a new member and harmoniously create a melting pot of cultures. Most of the time, the result is the birth of an unprecedented lifetime bond.

Definitely your best work to date regarding the response to the prompt. It is as complete and concise as it can be. You never deviated from the discussion and offered only relevant information that better supported your claims of having commonalities and familiarity with the quote. I don't see how else you can improve this essay. Within 2 paragraphs, you have successfully embodied the veiled meaning of the prompt discussion topic. This is the kind of essay that exemplifies the unspoken requirements of the reviewer. You are more than ready to use this prompt. Be sure to do a final read through to make sure you have nothing more to add to the paper, revise, or edit. My opinion is that you should go ahead and submit this already, but you may have another opinion so whenever you are ready to send this is good for me too.