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"Birthday party this weekend" UF ESSAY


pbitesize 2 / 1  
Oct 29, 2007   #1
"We're having your brothers birthday party this weekend," is what my mother calmly said to me after coming home from school one day. I stopped and actually thought my mother was going crazy since my brother's birthday was not until December 28th and the current day was November 12, 2005. After thinking long and hard I finally realized what was happening. Even though I am not a very dramatic or expressive person, I could not help my next actions. My knees gave out, I fell to my kitchen floor, my heart began to fill with pain, and tears started to flow uncontrollably as I sobbed loudly. The struggle for my brother was now over, after almost five years of battling with anaplastic astrocytoma, which is a malignant tumor in the tissue of the brain. We had my brother's party that weekend and he passed three days later on Thanksgiving Day.

Throughout the funeral I cried and barely made it through my speech. The weeks to follow were even worse. Tears fell from my eyes every morning and night. I became apathetic towards school, only reminiscing about the "good times" I had had with my little brother during class. From my lack of class work and homework, my grades suffered and dropped significantly. I went from an honor roll student to a below average student. I started to perform better in school as more time went on, but I was still not working up to my full potential. After receiving my final report card for the year, I was very disappointed in myself. Deep down inside I knew I could have done much better. From that point on I realized that my brother would not have wanted me to be how I was and that life was to short.

Saying goodbye to my brother was a heartbreaking experience, but now in everything I do, I strive to do the best and try my hardest. My experience made me more appreciative of life and the many opportunities I have that others do not. It also motivated and encouraged me to go into the medical field and succeed; so that I can help others and their families go through situations, like my brother and my family had to go through, maybe even help find cure for cancer.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
Oct 30, 2007   #2
Greetings!

You've written a very moving essay! Good work! I have just a few small suggestions:

"We're having your brother's birthday party this weekend," is what my mother calmly said to me after I came home from school one day.

only reminiscing about the "good times" I had had with my little brother during class. - This makes it sound like the good times you had with your brother only occurred during class. I think you mean to say that the reminiscing happened during class. If that's the case, say "only reminiscing during class about the "good times" ...

and that life was too short.

maybe even help find a cure for cancer.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP pbitesize 2 / 1  
Oct 30, 2007   #3
Thanks so much Sarah!


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