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The Blue Crew & Counterpoint - Additional Essay to Wellesley College

toodii2102 6 / 12 3  
Jan 5, 2021   #1
Can you give me some feedback?


A picture of 12 women in bodysuits with toned arms and athlete bodies cheering after receiving awards has made me fall in love with Wellesley. Walking along the Sai Gon Riverbank, I imagine the fierceness and unison that the boat-mates in Blue Crew would bring to me in every practice before the NCCA National Championship. For me, waking up every morning at 4:18 AM to learn how to row in Lake Waban would be a gift to see the beauty of the lake and immerse in the winning-spirit at Wellesley. But I don't see the rowing in the lake is only the way to build up my muscle or feel belongs to a community, my heart has found the syntonization when founding the emphasis in "mindfulness and trying to find the flow" in every row lessons which were delivered by Coach Tessa. From this view, I see that rowing at Wellesley is more like art than sports. Maria Iannotti '20 - a member of the crew has said that "strive not for "success" but for excellence". Participating in Blue Crew would push me to go further my limits, sharpen my mind and body to be ready to spark in the future.

While searching for the information about Wellesley, I've come up with fear when imagining the first time living alone in a foreign country. But I relieved after finding Counterpoint - the monthly journal of campus life and also is what I called Wellesley 101. Being an international student at Wellesley, what would I do to save one of the most meaningful memories in my life? Truly captivated by each story shared by each Wendy, I imagine one day I will submit a post about a day of myself which will make people feel astonished and understand more about the feelings and perspectives of a Vietnamese international student. I want to send these posts to my family and friends in Vietnam and other countries, to keep in touch and let them not be worried about my decisions. Writing is the way I choose to record my days in the US, to find hope to move on and overcome challenges. In some ways, when I could write then I could feel my confidence gets back. Writing is a big challenge for a foreigner and when I overcome it, there would be no reasons to be scared of it anymore.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,511 3437  
Jan 6, 2021   #2
Though this presentation is still faulty in terms of focus and scope, this is obviously, the best that you can do for this supplemental essay. After the umpteenth try, you have gotten close enough to an acceptable presentation for this prompt. So you better quit while you are ahead. Use this version for the supplemental essay or, stop trying to develop your response to it. This is as close as you will get to a usable supplemental essay on this topic after several tries at writing a suitable response. It is good enough. It still focuses too much on reliving your past in relation to your future instead of focusing on the future that you will have at the university, but I guess you are incapable of being forward thinking without constantly referring to your past, which should not be constantly referred to in your discussion essays. So this will have to do. This is as good as it will get for you. Do not post another Wellesley 100 essay in this forum. This is good enough.
OP toodii2102 6 / 12 3  
Jan 6, 2021   #3
Thank you @Holt. What you said is true that I'm not good at imagining the future. Thank you a lot for editing all of my essays and supporting my progression. Best wishes to you!

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