"Bradley, my little cousin" - influential person, CU Boulder admissions essays

Who is an influential person in your life and why? 250 Words.

Bradley
The most influential person in my life is Bradley, my little cousin, who was born with cerebral palsy and has had to go through dozens of painful surgeries to try and help him stand and also make it so he doesn't have to suffer. Every time I see him and see what he has to struggle through it makes me feel two very distinct things one that if this little kid can suffer so much and still be able to smile bigger and wider than anyone else in the photo than anyone can overcome anything that is placed in their way. It also makes me feel remorse because I truly want to be able to help him. When we found out about what had happened to Bradley it further solidified my decision to join the medical field but also gave me a higher purpose to one day be able to truly make a difference in his life and change things for him for the better. Every time I see my little cousin I think to myself one day I will be able to help him, one day I may even be able to cure him, or more realistically be on a team dedicated to finding a cure, and be able to give him a long and fulfilled life. He is what makes me want to join the medical field, and I will not stop trying to pursue this goal until I have succeeded and am well on my way to helping him.

It's 252 words i know

dunkdawg here are a few corrections I have made. You tend to use too many complex sentences. try making them short. its both easier to write and understand and kind of reduces the number of words by eliminating unnccesary conjunctions. You can keep the changes I have made or write it in a different better way but the above advices really work. I have tried them myself.

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The most influential person in my life is Bradley, my little cousin, who was born with cerebral palsy. and has He had to go through dozens of painful surgeries to try and help aimed at helping him stand and also make it so he doesn't have to suffer reducing his suffering. Every time I see him and see what he has to struggle through with, it makes me feel two very distinct things: 1) that if this little kid can suffer so much and still be able to smile bigger and wider than anyone else in the photo, than then anyone can overcome anything the obstacles present that is placed in their way. 2) It also makes me feel remorse because I truly want to be able to help him. When we found out about what had happened to Bradley it further not only solidified my decision to join the medical field but also gave me a higher purpose to one day be able to truly make a difference in his life and change things for him for the better. Every time I see my little cousin I think to myself it makes me want to one day I will be able to help him,. one day I may even be able to cure him, or more realistically be on a team dedicated to finding a cure, and be able to give him a long and fulfilled life (not required). He is what makes me want to join the medical field, and I will not stop trying to pursue this goal until I have succeeded and am well on my way to helping him.