Need Help. can someone give critique on this.
You can be as harsh as you want.
Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
I had been a bright student since childhood. Expectations. I performed very well in various exams and was at the top of my class. More expectations. I decided to apply for Undergraduate study in the United States. Even more expectations.
Life has been a continuous battle between me and expectations from me. I was always expected to perform well. I won a competition, I was expected to do so. I aced a test, I was expected to ace it. My achievements fuelled these expectations, taking them up a notch with every accomplishment. In a way, I was the one raising the bar. I sometimes asked myself, "What would I do if I had a fresh start, and no-one expecting anything from me? But I soon realised that my reasoning was flawed. It wasn't the achievements resulting in bigger expectations but the other way round. I always strived to fulfil these expectations which always drove me to work towards them. But with expectation came pressure, the pressure to perform well. Ironically, the will to live up to these expectations kept me from crumbling under this pressure and keep working. These expectations reminded me to keep believing in my abilities, the same abilities all the others believed in. If they think that I can do it then why can't I? While strenuous, these expectations played a pivotal role in my educational career. After all, nobody ever rises to low expectations. Expectation is a curious entity. While we create it, once created we don't have any control over it. It is not us foreseeing the future, but just simply what we believe will happen in the future and sometimes are beliefs can go horribly wrong. But when right, it acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy, driving you to make it happen. The first step towards success is visualising it. And so I keep very high expectations of myself. They motivate me to work towards my goal. But I am treading completely uncharted territory here. Being the first person in my family to have visited the United States and with no member having studied abroad, this is a challenge for me and my family. But each one of us is willing to contribute in every way he/she can to make me reach the United States. My family is spending every last penny it can spare into my education. I expect myself to attend a great college next year and am working to my utmost capability to make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am ready to fight head-on with all these expectations and make everyone who created them proud.
Shubham, basically your essay is quite informative for a background story and offers an insight into the kind of student you will be, driven, hellbent on succeeding, and committed to completing your education at the highest possible level. These are the kinds of information that you should be presenting to the reviewer in terms of your character development and discussion here. As far as I can tell, content-wise, the essay is strong and delivers on the necessary aspects in terms of your background. There are however, some grammatical issues that exist along with the formatting problem of your essay. I'll fix those for you below:
I had been a bright student since childhood. That was expected. I performed very well in various exams and was at the top of my class. More expectations. I decided to apply for Undergraduate study in the United States. Even more expectations.
Life has been a continuous battle between what was expected of me and my actual capacity as a student. . I was always expected to perform well. I won a competition, I was expected to do so. I aced a test, no surprise there. My achievements fuelled these expectations, taking them up a notch with every accomplishment. In a way, I was the one raising the bar. I sometimes asked myself, "What would I do if I had a fresh start, and no-one expecting anything from me?
I soon realised that my reasoning was flawed. It wasn't the achievements resulting in bigger expectations. It was the other way round. I always strived to fulfil these expectations which always drove me to work harder towards them. With expectation came pressure, the pressure to perform well. Ironically, the will to live up to these expectations kept me from crumbling under pressure and keep working. These expectations reminded me to keep believing in my abilities, the same abilities all the others believed in. If they think that I can do it then why can't I?
While strenuous, these expectations played a pivotal role in my educational career. After all, nobody ever rises to low expectations. Expectation is a curious entity. While we create it, once created we don't have any control over it. It is not us foreseeing the future, but just simply what we believe will happen in the future. Sometimes, beliefs can go horribly wrong. When right, it acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy, driving you to make it happen.
The first step towards success is visualising it. And so I keep very high expectations of myself. These expectations motivate me to work towards my goal. But I am treading in completely uncharted territory here. Being the first person in my family to have visited the United States and with no member having studied abroad, this is a challenge for me and my family. Each one of us is willing to contribute in every way to help me reach the United States.
My family is spending every last penny they can spare for my education. I expect myself to attend a great college next year and am working to my utmost capability to make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am ready to fight head-on with all these expectations and make everyone who created them proud.
