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"Broadway; Scenic buildings and sidewalks" - UVa Supplement

jadore_college 1 / -  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
Prompt: Describe your favorite place to get lost"

As I waited for the train to arrive at 125th street, I could not help but pore over my surroundings. Mariachi bands soliciting donations, intricate graffiti sprayed over the station's walls, toddlers crying hysterically over fallen toys, all the chaos was sickening. I needed to get away, fast. (I want to make that part stronger) Seeing the bright glare of the train as it approached, a smile crept onto my face, knowing that in a few minutes, I would arrive at my destination.

Scenic buildings and sidewalks layered with plush green trees greeted me as I stepped off the train platform at 86th street and walked towards 82nd street and Broadway, to the Barnes and Noble that I cherished deeply. The familiar aroma of mocha cappuccinos from the Starbucks Café saturated my senses as I entered through the revolving doors, and I consequently disregarded any prior commotion in the quiet, comforting atmosphere. Here, I was just an avid reader like everyone else, and I loved it. Pleasant smiles embraced me as I made my way towards the second floor to the intimate space between the African American writers' stacks. Grabbing a book, I nestled into my corner, bracing myself for the secrets and truths to be revealed with the flip of each page. For just a few hours, I forgot about the gritty streets of my neighborhood in Harlem, and became lost in all that my Broadway getaway provided.

Any critique is welcomed, thanks!
canes4life 3 / 47  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
I like this, a lot. I feel as though I'm right there with you getting lost in the B&N. I'm not sure you need the comma after here in "Here I was just an avid reader. . .

As for the part you wanted to make stronger, how about "I needed a fast escape from the dissonant sounds that surrounded me"?
srlee1992 2 / 7  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
I really think that this is written really well,
but compared to the place you want to get lost,
it seems like you spent a lot of the 250word limit in describing other places...
and at the end, i'm not really sure if you wanted to get lost in barnes and noble or in a book =/
(just my opinion of course)
but great descriptions!

please read mine as well

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