"My brother to my left, My brother my right. Together we stand, Together we fight."

Apply Texas - Tell us about yourself

"My brother to my left, My brother my right. Together we stand, Together we fight."
The idea of being a part of a brotherhood or team and using our collective strength to overcome tasks has always intrigued and inspired me. Teamwork allows a group of individuals to accomplish tasks faster and more efficiently than undertaking projects individually. Furthermore, it reduces the work pressure on each member, allowing them to be more thorough in the completion of their assigned roles. Cooperating together on various tasks reduces workloads for everyone involved by allowing them to share ideas. I have been fortunate to be a part of various teams and organizations that allow me to see the effectiveness of teamwork in various situations.

In the summer of 2015, I was a part of a Philmont trek. Philmont has thirty-five different trek itineraries, with Itinerary one being the easiest and shortest and Itinerary thirty-five being the hardest and longest. We chose to tackle Itinerary thirty-one because we knew that if we put in the time to prepare as a team, we could do it. We spent five months accustoming ourselves to hiking distances of ten to fifteen miles. When the time came for us to go on our trek, we completed the 155-mile trek with our sixty-pound packs with ease. Due to our preparation and teamwork, we spent the twelve days in the wilderness with little to no problems and I was able to navigate for the group successfully.

Throughout my life, I have seen the life lessons and brotherhood that comes out of football programs across the country, especially texas high school football. For the past four years, I have gotten the privilege to be a part of my school's football team. For the first three of those years we have made it to the second round of playoffs, lost our motivation and focus as a team and we're knocked out. However, this year I am a part of the senior leadership for the team. As a result of the senior's leadership, we have created a culture that is motivated and unified. Therefore, we have made it to the final state game. Throughout this final journey on the team leadership, I have been fortunate to not only enjoy the fellowship, but to be at the forefront of it and encourage my brothers to push on.

This fall, I was given the opportunity to partake in a Spartan Race. It was my first time participating in an event of it's kind. However, I was able to be a part of that team as we all participated in our first Spartan Race. Throughout the four and a half miles of various obstacles, mud pits, water, and even fire along the way, if I had not worked as a part of the team to complete the obstacles, then we would not have succeeded and I would have held them back. One of the pitfalls of working as a team can be the temptation for one person to lose motivation and detract from the unity of the group. In the Spartan Race, if a participant is unable to complete an obstacle, they are required to do thirty burpees. My fellow teammate was unable to complete a couple of the obstacles and I noticed they were only doing half the number of burpees required. I confronted them and held them accountable so that they would be proud of what we accomplished as a team, rather than cheating the team.

@PickleM1
try talking more about how the events influenced you and less about the events themselves and also the we"re you put should be spelled were not we're

lost our motivation and focus as a team and we're knocked out

Matthew, the essay prompt is "Tell us about yourself". While I find it remarkable that you were able to share so much trivia about yourself throughout the essay. I did not really get to know the real you. The you that makes you special and stand out from the rest of your siblings, your teammates, or the other applicants to the university. There is a lack of "spotlight" on you in the essay because you are trying to represent too much of how people know you and not enough of how you know yourself. I have a suggestion which I hope can help you better develop this paper and hopefully, make it stand out among all the applicants for admission.

Consider reflecting on yourself. Who do you know yourself to be outside of what your parents, siblings, peer, and friends know about you? What do you think makes you unique as a person? If you think long and hard about it, what is your peculiar character trait that tells you "This is who I am" ? What we need is to have you develop a statement that tells the reviewer who you are by describing yourself in say, one, two , or maybe 3 words. Basically, you choose the highlights of your character such as " opinionated", "has strength of character", or "always tried to do the right thing". For each of these traits, you show a side of yourself that won't be seen through the other prompts. You present an original version of yourself that will tell the reviewer the kind of student and campus resident you may be in the future.

So basically, what you need to do is focus on at least one character trait or personality that you have which you feel will make you a memorable applicant to the reviewer. It should be something that screams "You will remember me after reading this!" .

Hi Mathew, as this is the first time I will review your essay, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, here, we strive to provide you with the most effective review in order to give your essay that much needed enhancement.

Having said that, I would like to tackle first things first.

Title: "My brother to my left, My brother my right. Together we stand, Together we fight."

Suggestion: Brothers, Together we stand - Together we fight.

The prompt: It says, to write an essay about yourself, therefore, the main idea of the essay should be focused on yourself and not to events that transpired between you and your brothers, this may be a good idea to include anything that keeps you going like the bond that you have with your brothers, however, you have to make sure that a huge part of the essay should be talking about you and you alone as this is what is asked of you to write. One more thing, you have come this far and I believe you have more stories to tell than this essay and when yo do the revision, make sure to get that sense of you and get you story out there, it would be great to read on.