Why Brown short answer- Neuroscience department and freedom!

Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (1,000 characters available)

Please help me, this is a bit long (1046 char.)

My immutable attraction to Biology makes me consider Neuroscience a great possibility for my future. I see in Brown an excellent architect of medical futures and this is the main reason why Brown is the perfect fit for me. It would be an honor being mentored by the renowned faculty of Brown's Department of Neuroscience. In such a field, where many potentially life-revolutionizing questions are still unanswered, I am thrilled by the possibility to discover and to make a change. Thus, I love the possibilities for independent studies that Brown offers, especially the unique opportunity for Independent Neuroscience Research - one that I would not let slip.

Brown also amazes me with the freedom it radiates: the open curriculum is the epitome of it. I don't want to simply learn, I want to explore and experience my passions, such as theater. I want to share my unusual ideas with unique, diverse people. I want to emerge in the vivacious student life by becoming an emPOWER activist. I want to embrace life fully. I already feel a brunonian.

Hi, Anada. I want to say you are really good at writing.
i'm not sure
this is the main reason why
if it is proper to delete why or the main reason. In my SAT test, it seems a kind of grammar error.

If you want to cut it short, i think the sentence you can delete is
It would be an honor being mentored by the renowned faculty of Brown's Department of Neuroscience.
Because i think a lot of students would say the same words.

Hope this will help~
good luck!

I'm an international student and i can admit frankly that my writing is not good.
So i'd really appreciate you if you can give me some suggestions about my essays.
Thanks in advance!

We meet once again. :D

"Thus, I love the possibilities for independent studiesat Brown , especially the unique opportunity for Independent Neuroscience Research - an opportunity that I would not let slip."

Try not to use "it" to far from the subject, we get confused as to which noun you could be referring to.

"Brown also amazes me with the freedom it radiates: the open curriculum is the epitome of it."
I am very confused right here. Is it the sense of freedom Brown radiates? Also, the "it"s again. What is "it" in this sentence?

Hope I helped! Take a look at mine if you have some time. :]

Thank you qianmeimei! I deleted that sentence and now the char. count is alright.
Thanks paranormale. I revised the errors you told me.
I will look at your essays asap. :)

I think your introduction sentence should be more of a "wow" factor. Because i'm sure every short answer starts with the applicants reason of interest and its not a bad thing to stand out to admissions office :]

"In such a field, where many potentially life-revolutionizing questions are still unanswered, I am thrilled by the possibility to discover and to make a change. Thus, I love the possibilities for independent studies that Brown offers, especially the unique opportunity for Independent Neuroscience Research - one that I would not let slip."

thats a really good sentence!

Um i dont really like your last sentence, but if it works for you then go for it :)

Shorten it and cut the rest after medical futures. Maybe combine it with another sentence.

You could also show that Brown has advantages in the social part, too, as well as it does in the educational part.

I also agree with hotsaucgrl, your opening sentence has to make the admission center really curious about how your essay will end up.

Since I am an International and therefore my English could be better, I would greatly appreciate a look at my essay as well: