Prompt: French novelist Anatole France wrote: "An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't." What don't you know?
I do not know whether or not my children will look at me and see all that I have done everything I can to give them a good life. There is no book in the library that can truly confirm that they will understand how often I think of them in my decision making. I have always known that I wanted to become a father. I also know that unlike my own, I will be there for my children day and night. I will dedicate every ounce of energy to providing a safe home and enjoyable childhood for them. I am only seventeen yet I know that if I have a daughter her name will be Gabriella Isabella Minor and her nickname will be Izzy.
I do not know whether they will like the same books that I did as a child, but I will read to them as often as I can. But I do know they will pick up a book before they ever touch a controller like my mom did for me. I don’t know their mother’s name yet. Yet wherever I am at I keep an eye out for her. My goal as future father is to make sure they know that they were the reason I took risks. I have many fears in life, but I face them because I do not want my children to have the same.
Jordan, I like where you're going with this essay. The fact that you want a family and know the name of your daughter already is very sweet. However, you have SO much more room to elaborate, primarily on yourself. Tell us what your fears are, what is it that you do not want your children to face? How will you treat your children differently? On the otherhand, I do think you're marginalizing the prompt. Tie in your family and what it is you DON'T know, and explain what this says about you as a person. Other than some grammar problems and missing commas, I like this start. But I think it is in your best interest to write a bit more. I know more about your future family than I do about you.
:)
Thanks so much your critique was really helpful I'm working on it right now!
this is interesting, but the prompt here is what dont you know, i feel like your trying to force the idea of the unknown while the theme of this essay is really the known, what you know about the kids, their names, their characterstics and such. I dont know if you should scratch this, as a whole the idea is solid, but your going to have to reshape the focus so that this essay is about the unknown in your future kids, and those characteristiics. Know what im getting at? good luck, if you get a chance, please read my brown supp essays right above yours and decide which one i should submit, thanks alot
