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Brown University Supplement Essay (Parasites and Biology)



showmanea 1 / 2  
Jan 4, 2010   #1
Please feel free to leave any suggestions or revisions. Your help is truly appreciated.

Prompt:Tell us about an intellectual experience, project, class, or book that has influenced or inspired you.

Tick tock. Tick Tock. Time itself seemed to have been lost in the pages of my book and before I knew it, it had been over 24 hours since I had last laid my eyes to rest. I was twelve at the time and in those twelve short years of my existence I never thought it possible that a book could ever make me want to sacrifice my precious sleep. But it wasn't just any book--it was the book! I found myself poring over every word of Carl Zimmer's Parasite Rex. I became fascinated by parasitic wasps and mind-controlling flatworms. But alas, I was alone in my fascination. I quickly found, one day, that the life cycle of hookworms made for "horrible" lunch conversation and, not surprisingly, my interests were, subsequently, deemed "weird" and "disgusting."

However, my peers did little to dampen my enthusiasm for nature's most bizarre of creatures. I hunted down books on flukes and tapeworms and waited earnestly for specials on the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet. With high school, I brought along with me my love for biology and looked for additional outlets to satisfy my curiosity for the natural world.

As if by some miracle of divine intervention, my Biology teacher, Ms. Thompson, announced to the class that, in a week, she would be taking seven students to the University of Washington for a lecture on Malaria. I remember going straight home that day and emailing her about my love for biology and my fascination for parasites. I had to make sure that I was getting on that van to UW-did I mention that the lucky students would get a private question and answer session with the man of the hour, Dr. Wes Van Voorhis? Whatever I did, it seemed to have worked as I received an email from my teacher, a couple of days later, informing me that I was selected as one of those students. We began the day with a luncheon with the university's faculty and afterwards given a private tour of the labs at the UW and I remember thinking to myself, "Oh man, oh man, oh man!" I watched the students in their white lab coats with envy and observed in awe the rows of chemicals and their meticulous workbenches. I was no more than a little kid in a candy shop.

The day ended with a private question and answer session with the professor, Dr. Voorhis and I made it my goal to learn as I much as I could from the man in the 45 minutes that we had his attention. I went home that night all smiles and with newfound inspiration and desire to pursue a career in biology.

After having been to an actual lecture on parasites and meeting someone who is at the forefront in the fight against a global epidemic, I realized that in the distant future, that could potentially be me. Here was this confident and exuberant man-a vessel of knowledge-an expert in his field. I envy those qualities in him and look forward to creating my own legacy and exploring my own path in biology at Brown University. Who knows? Maybe in thirty or forty years I'll be answering the questions of another hopeful and wide-eyed student and aspire in them a desire to succeed in the field of biology as well.

Thanks for reading and helping despite this being so last minute. Also, it is 64 words over the limit, do you think this will be a big problem?

jinglebells 3 / 15  
Jan 4, 2010   #2
Haha I love the first paragraph!

"in a week". hm, not sure what to do about that part. obviously, this was from a while ago.

"I had to make sure that I was getting on that van to UW-did I mention that the lucky students would get a private question and answer session with the man of the hour, Dr. Wes Van Voorhis? " this part is confusing

We began the day with a luncheon with the university's faculty and afterwards given a private tour of the labs at the UW and I remember thinking to myself, "Oh man, oh man, oh man!" maybe split up the sentences?

I went home that night all smiles and with newfound inspiration and desire to pursue a career in biology.
well you were obviously interested in bio before. are you sure this one event made you want to pursue a career in biology?

an expert in his field. I envy those qualities... this part is a bit awk. maybe a transition or reword a bit?

Eh 64 words should be nothing. great essay! held my attention the whole time. very unique.
OP showmanea 1 / 2  
Jan 4, 2010   #3
"I had to make sure that I was getting on that van to UW-did I mention that the lucky students would get a private question and answer session with the man of the hour, Dr. Wes Van Voorhis? "

I'm not sure how to change this, but I will work on it.

We began the day with a luncheon with the university's faculty and afterwards given a private tour of the labs at the UW and I remember thinking to myself, "Oh man, oh man, oh man!" maybe split up the sentences?

Oh okay. That's exactly what I'll do.

I went home that night all smiles with a newfound inspiration and a renewed desire to pursue a career in biology.

This is a very valid point. Attending Dr. Voorhis's lecture reinforced my goals in pursuing a career in biology. You are correct it was not based on that one event.

an expert in his field. I envy those qualities... this part is a bit awk. maybe a transition or reword a bit?

How about this?
Above all, I envy him and hope to develop these same qualities while creating my own legacy and exploring my own path in biology at Brown University

Thank you so much jinglebells. These were great suggestions. You're the best! :D
Servetus - / 1  
Jan 5, 2010   #4
Hello Somanea,

I enjoyed your article for its high enthusiasm
that any consideration for grammar or spelling was
not even within a foot of my linguistic microscope.

I'm just a 58 year old average guy who happens to be a
friend of Carl Zimmer on Facebook. In fact, you should
know that he posted this link on his Facebook page.
I've never met the man and don't even think he's
responded to me for having replied to his posts there.
No problem, nevertheless, as with you, I admire his work too.

Your article gave me renewed hope that the youth
of our human race will carry on in our quest to better,
and someday, fully understand this orb we spin on.

Thank you for the hope you gave me this morning.

Darrell Barker
OP showmanea 1 / 2  
Jan 9, 2010   #5
Thank you very much for all the kind words. No way! Wait, I think I misread your post. He pasted a link to the essay forum website or this thread?
Ray92 1 / 7  
Jan 10, 2010   #6
I loved the intro to your essay! I was hooked from TICK Tock Tick Tock.

You should change in a week though
in the third paragraph, it seems awkward.

instead of:
"announced to the class that, in a week,"

try: "announced to the class that a week later, she would be taking..."


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