My Bucket List
Hi, this is the first time I post there, but I am not a native speaker. I come from Taiwan where we use traditional Chinese as our mother language. So, thank you to recommend and recorrect my assay.
THE FIRST PARAGRAPH: SELECT ONE EXAMPLE HAVEN'T FINISHED IN YOUR BUCKET LIST.
THE SECOND PARAGRAPH: HOW TO FINISH THIS GOAL?
As a proverb declares, "where there is a will, there is a way." We can set some goals however hard to achieve them. Yet, the items we selecting sometimes are too difficult for us to fulfill them. As far as I am concerned, making a fortune is my top priority. However, I can't just suddenly make it happen. I need to nurture my technique which is potential and profitable over a long-term that takes times. I decide to take a computer engineer as my occupation in the future, for I may design a program like Facebook or Google which is not only famous but juicy. Maybe I will become the next Bill Gates someday!
By virtue of achieving this dream, I must learn English well first, since all the program language are based on it. If I don't study it well, I will never understand the meaning of lines of codes, not to mention becoming an ace engineer. Second, collect some idea in any field because computers are almost connected with every aspect of global industry that can help me to design the most suitable software for those people in need. Last but certainly not least, spreading my relationship can not only encounter some career partners but some resource I will probably need int the future. Even Steve Jobs who is talented but arrogant couldn't found Apple company without his partners as well. To sum up, albeit this road is doomed to be harsh, I believe the success will knock my door real soon!
Hey! This is my opinion but your essay is really straightforward.
There is no Satirical references or any form of creative out of the box statements that will help you stand out.
Also, the first paragraph seems a bit out of flow and the word "I" is used a lot of times, try fixing that if possible.
Overall A nice sweet up to the point essay.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 Hi Derek, can you tell me if you are writing this essay for an English language class or if you are writing this for a college application? My advice will actually depend upon which type of essay you are trying to write. As of now, I will advise you regarding this essay as part of your language learning class.
It appears to me that you do not understand the concept of a bucket list as opposed to an ambition. Let me define it for you. A bucket list is a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime. While ambition is a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work. What you have discussed in this essay is your ambition, not a bucket list experience or achievement.
A typical bucket list would say something like:
1. I will climb Mt. Everest on my 25th birthday
2. I have a private pilot's license in 2 years
3. I will learn how to cook Korean food by Christmas this year
and so on and so forth. The above is a sample of a bucket list . Picking one from it and explaining the steps is what this essay is all about. So the first paragraph should say:
I have always been fascinated by Mt. Everest and admired the people who have conquered it. I want to climb that mountain by the time I am 25 because...
The second paragraph says:
To achieve this I will have to become physically fit and trained to climb mountains. I will start by working out in the gym... I will learn rock climbing techniques...
The above samples are how this statement should have been written. It is not about ambitions, it is about what you aspire to achieve in life.
