Building homes/ comprehensive learning; WHY NJIT?

The Internet is a global network connecting millions of computers in which more than 100 countries are linked into exchanges of data, news and opinions. Also society in general leads us to collect data, in which we use to succeed and advance in life. People who surround me everyday like teachers, family and college students have given me realization that the New Jersey Institute of Technology has a great approach of intellectual means.

I really want to succeed in life and pursue my dream, I want to be determined and dedicated in every way possible in order to achieve my approach; and applying for admission to NJIT will make my dream capable and will lead me to a better and successful life as an American citizen. Ever since I was a young child my passion towards the constructions of large buildings and amazing homes has given me a lucid dream to follow. My affection towards architecture would be brightened with this admission. On behold of your website, NJIT is known not only for comprehensive learning but also hands on experiences. Therefor to enhance my learning skills and experience small projects on my own that will help me in pursuing my dream of becoming an architect.

My aspiration for success in life is what is pushing me to pursue my dream and applying to NJIT is one step further in conquering what I want. The information that the internet, society, teachers, and my family has given me is endorsing me to apply to NJIT. My dedication and commitment is what drives me toward this application to NJIT and approaching what i like to call MY DREAM.

Pedro, it is really hard to judge your written work at this point because you did not provide the prompt for us to use as the basis for the review. Are you writing a personal statement or responding to a common app prompt? Whatever it is, you need to provide us with a copy so that we can better review your essay. Why NJIT just does not seem like a complete prompt. Right now, the direction of your essay is confusing because at the start, you discuss the internet superhighway then midstream, change to architecture. While I can understand that the world wide web has a technological architecture to speak of, I sincerely doubt that is what you are referring to in your essay since the two topics cannot blend. In fact, your essay lacks focus and direction because of the opposite ended topics that you are discussing. Try to base your desire to attend NJIT on only one solid reason. Either it is the architecture of the internet, or architecture in its traditional form. Don't forget to provide the actual prompt to us as soon as possible so that we can add to the review of your current essay.