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'Bulgarian or German' - CommonApp diversity

NikoliT 3 / 12  
Dec 17, 2011   #1
Prompt: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

(250-500 words)
(Essay: 266 words)

Here's my rough first draft, some parts feel "lacking" or not clear, any suggestions or feedback would be appreciated:

"Variety's the very spice of life, that gives it all its flavour." said William Cowper in one of his poetic books, "The Timepiece". Diversity is a vital factor in education and life in general; it brings about open-mindedness, enriches the educational experience, teaches one how to communicate effectively with other people of varied backgrounds and boosts competitiveness in general. In addition to that, one might even learn something from other people in a diverse community, be it a few words in a foreign language or an understanding of an entirely new culture, but the most important thing about diversity is that it battles the common and ignorant stereotypes.

Coming from a diverse school, the importance of diversity is clear to me. It'd be quite dull if all students in a school were from one area, or all spoke the same language and shared a common ideology; however, there are many people of varying cultures, nationalities and ethnicities in my classroom, and they all bring the class to life in one way or another.

When we are left with nothing to do in class, instead of doing nothing I can turn to my Bulgarian friend, who is taking German classes, and learn a few words, or phrases, in Bulgarian or German or I can learn how to greet people and spell my name in Japanese.

By being exposed to a medley of cultures, I was able to write, read and speak a few phrases in other languages, learn about foreign traditions, familiarize myself with other backgrounds and expand my general knowledge about the many different cultures that we live with.
bio1995 1 / 6  
Dec 17, 2011   #2
You are off to a great start however, colleges want to know more about YOU. Your essay focuses on the importance of diversity in general. You TELL us that diversity "brings about open-mindedness, enriches the educational experiences, teaches one how to communicate effectively, etc." But to get your point across, it is not necessary to explicitly say so. Why don't you try to convey a specific experience you had at school or in your community that truly taught you to value diversity. Have you ever before viewed diversity negatively and then a specific event caused you to change your perspective? Is there anything unique about you that you could narrate through a story, allowing you to truly stand out? For example, if you are an immigrant, you can talk about the immersion of two cultures. Note that such a topic is cliched but your writing style and your unique experience makes the topic unique and different. Good luck!
OP NikoliT 3 / 12  
Dec 17, 2011   #3
Would it be wise to re-write the essay, but this time about an experience that caused me to realize that my life lacked diversity and how I took steps to remedy the situation? Or a situation where I act differently than expected because I stood up for my beliefs and avoided conformity?
bio1995 1 / 6  
Dec 17, 2011   #4
Yes, that would be the best way to show diversity. Re-writing and then answering one of the two questions you posed above, using a specific experience, would be the best way to show colleges the unique person you are. Good luck! I will be waiting for your new essay! :)
OP NikoliT 3 / 12  
Dec 17, 2011   #5
I have a general idea of what I'm going to write about (the questions) but I just can't seem to come up with an idea, or a way to kick it off, rather. :(
OP NikoliT 3 / 12  
Dec 18, 2011   #6
I rewrote something about change, but now I'm not sure with prompt it fits, 5 or 6.

"Pack your things and don't forget anything, honey!" Change, what is change? For some people it's replacing objects with newer or different ones, or altering a daily routine. I'm an avid reader; change can simply mean reading another book, but for me it's more than that. It's more than a word; it symbolizes an aspect of my life I detested with a passion, loss. When I was a child, my family used to adore moving from area to area, but I never got why because all it represented for me, as a child, was the loss of my well known home and friends and the gain of an alien environment and unwelcoming friends.

Though, change isn't all that bad, is it? I was merely a child that held a lot of prejudice towards something they didn't experience much to properly drop judgement. As I grew older, I slowly let go of the prejudice and opened my mind, I learned to embrace change; I slowly started welcoming change in my life, sometimes I changed my homepage on the internet, sometimes I changed my food, and sometimes I listened to different things. I took other peoples' ideas into consideration and really, we're all bound to experience change at one point in our lives or another.

After welcoming change, I felt more open and confident, more diverse and avoiding conformity. I started listening to other people, collecting all available information and thinking twice before dropping judgement on anything. Different books from genres I would not have normally looked at spiced up my bookshelf. Change was once something that symbolized a hateful passion, but after realizing that life is bland and dull without variety I started welcoming it, variety really is the spice of life.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 26, 2011   #7
, but the most important thing about diversity is that it battles the common and ignorant stereotypes.

I was merely a child that held a lot of prejudice towards something they didn't experience much to properly drop judgement. As I grew older, I slowly let go of the prejudice and opened my mind

These ideas express such a great theme, but still I think you need to have a PLAN to go with it. Show the reader that you are already trying to establish a plan for making a big difference with regard to these stereotypes. How do your fields of interest involve these stereotypes, and what will your expertise do to empower you to make a change? It is great if you can show how the program you want to study will get you ready to begin doing what is important to you right away. What specific steps can you take during college and then after college? Tell the reader about short and long term goals, and they will feel inspired by you.

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