'A bursar of the school's student council' - UC Essay #2. Major in Business

2. Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how

Being a bursar of the school's student council turned out to be one of the most challenging and memorable experiences in my entire life. I've always dreamed to become a businesswoman so I took a chance to become a bursar on my junior year. This position included the control of the money flow of the school's charity organization and the student council's cash, meetings with the CFO of MES, the budget planning and the bookkeeping. Every month more events were coming and more money was needed. Still, the budget couldn't afford all of the events, so I had to deny to some of the sections of the student council.

During the traditional Christmas charity bazaar, we were able to raise a record amount of money due to the successful marketing move. Using the knowledge I gained during the management courses at the Moscow State University, I announced a competition among the school: the class that earns more money during the fair will get the personal gratitude from the school's president. This competition caused a real stir and students continued bringing money till the late evening. By the end, we earned about fifteen thousand dollars, thirteen of which were spent on the charity and the rest were saved for the student council's needs.

Nevertheless school wanted me to pay for the repairs of the building, which actually had nothing to do with the student council. Being responsible for proper budget distribution, I had to go through the dozens of meetings with the school's principal and the CFO to explain them why student council won't pay for the school repairs and by the end they had to give up.

To sum up, I had to make the most challenging decisions and deal with lots of problems while being on the position of the school council's bursar. The respect people treated me with and the responsibility that didn't let me neglect my job motivated me even more to become a successful businesswoman.

justlerik you are having pretty good ideas and cohesive sentences. That makes your piece awesome. I will suggest you keep your work up, you are near to destination. Best of luck

I came across some positions and put my suggestions to be the way I have written.

I wasn't surprised; he worked too hard to be interested in his children's school's schools accomplishments or in his wife's new haircut.

However his desire to achieve more, destroyed his marriage; dad stopped caring about what was going on in the family.

[i]In the above sentence comma separates phrases, become understandable[/i]

Even though he gave me the best secondary education, he has had taught me not to take anything for granted and achieve success all by myself.

Every month more events were coming and more money was needed. Still, the budget couldn't afford all of the events, so I had to deny to some of the sections of the student council.