I'm working on finishing the final drafts of my common app essays and i would like it if you all could give me some feedback on them.
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).
My daily bus ride to Project R.I.S.E. begins as I constantly tell kids to quiet down and stop poking each other. Happy to get off the bus, I lead a group of 6th graders to math class. I start by helping the teacher put up some practice problems. It's Thursday, so the 6th graders are going to attempt the Candy Problem, where the student who solves it first receives a king-sized candy of their choice. As they are finishing up the practice problems, one student signals me over, Jay is still on the first problem. He feels stupid but I persuade him to keep trying as I help him understand how to multiply fractions. It comes time to start the Candy problem and I am required to leave the room. Now Jay is feeling confident and ready. Later at lunch, Jay comes over and pours me a handful of skittles. A huge smile comes across my face realizing he won. Being able to inspire others to find the confidence to succeed makes volunteering worthwhile.
949/1000 characters
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Sprawled out on my back, I noticed how the chirping birds and the drifting clouds made the field so peaceful. Than the whistle blew, stretches were over and the same air was now filled with grunts and the sound of pads hitting together. This is what went through my mind as I stretched my hamstring for football practice. My football experiences in many ways defined who I am. From the simple words by my baseball coach, "you look like a football player," I decided to play my sophomore year. The first practice in the 90 degree weather of august was more than I expected, running to the point where several kids were throwing up on the sidelines. Too slow to be a wide receiver, I was grouped with the lineman. Being a lineman wasn't a desired position by any means, never getting to touch the ball and blocking for others that receive all the credit. But we were just as important, representing the muscle of the team and the toughest players. In a few weeks of harsh practices, I was accepted by the team that became more like a family to me, as we all respected what it took to be a football player.
I developed a love/hate relationship with football. I loathed its practices, Monday through Thursday right after school for 3 long hours and knowing that there was loads of homework to be done after was insufferable. I detested the pouring rain and 30 degree temperatures that sporadically made a practice several times worse. Every day for months, my body got beat up, as the words "go to the pole" were are edged into my mind by angry coaches. These words instilled fear, indicating that we must sprint 100 yards to the field goal post and back. But then I loved playing under the Friday nights lights. I liked the crack heard, when a fierce tackle is made. I'll always remember the exhilarating rush I get when my block scored us a touchdown. These almost made it worth the extraordinary effort. It's only when I look back at all the hard work and dedication I put in to being a football player that I became proud enough to do it again.
Senior year brought a completely different team and a new experience. As a senior I became a leader for the younger players, testing if they had what it takes. Practices got harder because I now played on offense, defense, and special teams. This didn't stop me, just challenged my perseverance and made me try harder. When all was going well, I took a gruesome hit in my 3rd game and tore the capsule in my thumb. The doctor gave me the choice of not playing and wearing a removable cast or getting a permanent cast for 2 months if I was crazy enough to continue football. Feeling a responsibility to my team, I spent the rest of the season with a cast on my right hand and I still played every game. Surprisingly it's allowed to play with a cast as long as it's wrapped with padding. Due to the sheer size, teammates often teased me, "how do they let you play with that weapon on your hand," but they were encouraging. I played with the pain because I wasn't the only one. Our quarterback played with a sprained left hand, our captain was suffering from a shoulder strain he got in pre-season, and various others with calf and ankle injuries we looked like a bunch of cripples. But it was getting through the season with these difficulties holding us back that made me even more proud to have played this team. Football helped give me my identity, shaping me more than just as an athlete, but as scholar and a person, who understands what it takes to succeed, fail, and most importantly to learn from our difficulties.
651/500 words
It would be helpful if you all could point out if there is anything thing that really stood out, things that should be changed, or grammar mistakes. i'll be happy to read the essays of anyone who needs it too?
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).
My daily bus ride to Project R.I.S.E. begins as I constantly tell kids to quiet down and stop poking each other. Happy to get off the bus, I lead a group of 6th graders to math class. I start by helping the teacher put up some practice problems. It's Thursday, so the 6th graders are going to attempt the Candy Problem, where the student who solves it first receives a king-sized candy of their choice. As they are finishing up the practice problems, one student signals me over, Jay is still on the first problem. He feels stupid but I persuade him to keep trying as I help him understand how to multiply fractions. It comes time to start the Candy problem and I am required to leave the room. Now Jay is feeling confident and ready. Later at lunch, Jay comes over and pours me a handful of skittles. A huge smile comes across my face realizing he won. Being able to inspire others to find the confidence to succeed makes volunteering worthwhile.
949/1000 characters
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Sprawled out on my back, I noticed how the chirping birds and the drifting clouds made the field so peaceful. Than the whistle blew, stretches were over and the same air was now filled with grunts and the sound of pads hitting together. This is what went through my mind as I stretched my hamstring for football practice. My football experiences in many ways defined who I am. From the simple words by my baseball coach, "you look like a football player," I decided to play my sophomore year. The first practice in the 90 degree weather of august was more than I expected, running to the point where several kids were throwing up on the sidelines. Too slow to be a wide receiver, I was grouped with the lineman. Being a lineman wasn't a desired position by any means, never getting to touch the ball and blocking for others that receive all the credit. But we were just as important, representing the muscle of the team and the toughest players. In a few weeks of harsh practices, I was accepted by the team that became more like a family to me, as we all respected what it took to be a football player.
I developed a love/hate relationship with football. I loathed its practices, Monday through Thursday right after school for 3 long hours and knowing that there was loads of homework to be done after was insufferable. I detested the pouring rain and 30 degree temperatures that sporadically made a practice several times worse. Every day for months, my body got beat up, as the words "go to the pole" were are edged into my mind by angry coaches. These words instilled fear, indicating that we must sprint 100 yards to the field goal post and back. But then I loved playing under the Friday nights lights. I liked the crack heard, when a fierce tackle is made. I'll always remember the exhilarating rush I get when my block scored us a touchdown. These almost made it worth the extraordinary effort. It's only when I look back at all the hard work and dedication I put in to being a football player that I became proud enough to do it again.
Senior year brought a completely different team and a new experience. As a senior I became a leader for the younger players, testing if they had what it takes. Practices got harder because I now played on offense, defense, and special teams. This didn't stop me, just challenged my perseverance and made me try harder. When all was going well, I took a gruesome hit in my 3rd game and tore the capsule in my thumb. The doctor gave me the choice of not playing and wearing a removable cast or getting a permanent cast for 2 months if I was crazy enough to continue football. Feeling a responsibility to my team, I spent the rest of the season with a cast on my right hand and I still played every game. Surprisingly it's allowed to play with a cast as long as it's wrapped with padding. Due to the sheer size, teammates often teased me, "how do they let you play with that weapon on your hand," but they were encouraging. I played with the pain because I wasn't the only one. Our quarterback played with a sprained left hand, our captain was suffering from a shoulder strain he got in pre-season, and various others with calf and ankle injuries we looked like a bunch of cripples. But it was getting through the season with these difficulties holding us back that made me even more proud to have played this team. Football helped give me my identity, shaping me more than just as an athlete, but as scholar and a person, who understands what it takes to succeed, fail, and most importantly to learn from our difficulties.
651/500 words
It would be helpful if you all could point out if there is anything thing that really stood out, things that should be changed, or grammar mistakes. i'll be happy to read the essays of anyone who needs it too?
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