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BYU-What sets you apart from other applicants on unique life experience



sanjaygir 3 / 3  
Jan 30, 2009   #1
I am not being able to cut out the words to make this essay short enough to meet the 250 words requirements. Can any one please help me with this essay?

The total words of my essay at present is 296 words

I need to have a maximum of 250 words in this essay

q) What sets you apart from other applicants, based on unique educational or life experiences, personal or family circumstances, obstacles overcome and/or achievements? (250 words or less)

I never tasted triumph in my junior school years. Fed up with my poor performance in school, my father desperately admitted me to a boarding school when I was in 6th grade. Though, in this school, I suffered numerous humiliations from my elders, false convictions and punishments that I didnt deserve, I got the opportunity to decide what I want from my life: An uneducated life free of worries but devoid of an identity and respect or an educated life full of hardships but with an identity and honor. I wanted to improve.

I changed my school. To focus more on my academics, I stopped going out with my friends. At times, I went through tough situations like walking 4kms on foot due to long traffic jams, staying up late cold nights trying to complete my assignments on time, the desire for improvement and to be the best, always made me keep going. During holidays, I would meet my teachers. During spare time, I would practice maths. Striving hard, persisting to excel and with my determination, I finally tasted victory in my academics when on July,2006 the school awarded me the honor of distinction holders. I was praised by my teachers, family and friends.

The success inspired me to do even better. In my upcoming years, I participated in different games, received academic scholarships, volunteered in social and community services. I took part in class discussions and presentations and also made good impressions in my teachers.

Today, I consider myself more as successful student than a helpless student because today I have friends who trust me, teachers who care about me, the awards i won make me realize about my potential and these are the accomplishments that, today, make me feel successful, proud and a distinct person.

-sanjay giri, ktm,nepal

jucks0r 3 / 6  
Jan 31, 2009   #2
...like walking 4kms(I would change this to four kilometers) on foot due to long traffic jams, staying up late on cold nights trying to complete my assignments on time...

Good Luck !
EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Feb 3, 2009   #3
"I stopped going out with my friends . . . . today I have friends who trust me" Perhaps you want to alter or add details to avoid the logical inconsistency this creates.
shine lee 1 / 34  
Feb 16, 2009   #4
I feel that essay has some problem. 3 paragraphs above You only talk about how you tried to improve. However, in the last paragraph, U concluded that U have many friends... That's quite ridiculous. No offense but I think maybe you should rewrite the concluding para.

Good luck!


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