How to call out my identity? Common Application prompt 1 - Personal Statement

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (word limit: 650)

my multipotentialite capability

I have always wanted to answer that question but did not know how to call out my identity.

When I was four, I became interested in music so my parents scraped together enough money to buy me a keyboard which was probably the most expensive thing in my house at the time. I dived in, became all consumed in learning, and felt really pleasant after completing a piece of music without mistakes. Until one day, playing music turned into an obligation rather than a hobby for me. I tried to persist because my parents had paid so much money on the keyboard and music lessons that I felt guilty to just quit. But my uneasy feeling gradually turned into hatred and I left the keyboard untouched.

At the age of 7, I was captured by beautiful colors and shapes. The utter bliss of portraying everything I saw on the paper with strokes of paints and getting plentiful compliments for my artwork assured me "Yes, this is it. I will grow up to be an artist!". I was wrong. As I joined a martial arts club, the joy of expressing myself through the art of poomsae and winning medals in several competitions almost made me want to turn Taekwondo into a professional pursuit. However, I could not stop wondering what else I was capable of. Photography, cooking, filmmaking, guitar,...I would dive in, become all consumed, quit, and begin learning all over again out of sheer curiosity and pleasure for mastering new skills.

The question "What do you want to be?" made me really anxious. I would rush through all the options but could not make up my mind. Why can I only pick to be one thing? What if all I wanted is just to keep starting fresh and learning? Is there something wrong with me?

"You have to pick one" said my father. "I know you want to unlock all of your potentials but life is too short for you to keep exploring. Look at me as an example. I have pursued so many interests my whole life and missed out on incredible opportunities to secure finance. I don't want to see you end up having no asset like I do. I'm 55." It broke my heart. I could not imagine myself sticking to one career my whole life just because I have to make money. I must feel really empty inside pretending that money can make up for the joy of exploring my potentials. But the reality my father showed me was intimidating.

Until one day, I stumbled on a TEDtalk speech by Emilie Wapnick about her multipotentiality.

I was overjoyed when I learned stories about Amy who is a 'magazine editor-illustrator-entrepreneur-teacher-creative director' or Sha Hwang and Rachel Binx who used their skills in cartography, data visualization, travel, mathematics, and design to make jewelry. These people have combined their many talents to contribute unique work for the world.

"He is valuable because he does good work. He's even more valuable because he can take on various roles depending on the clients' needs." Emilie explained as she talked about another multipotentialite.

I heard the word 'valuable'. In this fast changing world, the skills I learn are becoming more transferable in various areas. At the English club for minority students I volunteered, I used my drawing skill to help visual students memorize better or played English songs with my ukulele to encourage auditory students to engage more in class. I also came up with an idea of teaching Taekwondo with English instruction to motivate kinaesthetic students to communicate. I couldn't help fantasizing about creating an unprecedented business at the intersection of different fields or working out unique solutions for world problems in the future.

Aren't you curious about my multipotentialite capability as much as I am?

Hi there! I'm not sure your response actually answers the prompt. Maybe your goal was to share your interest/ talent in multipotenitality, but it reads very scattered and incoherent. It seems like you're also saying that this isn't something you have thought about until now, which probably won't garner a favorable reaction from the reader. I don't think I'd recommend going this route, but if you do I think you need to really affirm why playing the keyboard at 4 and painting at 7 and taekwondo and all that stuff has shaped you. Because honestly the read I get is that you have a lot of interests but you haven't mastered any of them. You say you dive in, get consumed, learn, but then quit. That's not a positive thing to express in this kind of application. This essay also reads a lot like a fantasy ,especially when your ideas become very flighty towards the end. I think if you are going to stay with this topic, I would maybe choose one idea you have and expand on it.

Your essay also reads a little bit immature. I'm not sure how old you are, but one of the realities of life is that as you get older you make sacrifices for you and your family's well being. It doesn't mean you have to choose something you hate because it makes a living, However, it does mean that it's better to excel at one thing that you could possibly make an enjoyable career out of. It's a sad fact of life.

Hello Katheryn,

Thank you for your comment. It's very helpful, though a little discouraging for me. How did you draw the conclusion that this is something I have only thought about now? I want to know how I left that impression so I could fix it.

My goal in this essay is to show that my identity can impact the world positively and I will still be able to make an enjoyable career and a living out of it as my father and most people want to. I should not have written that I just quit because I still continue to practice and use the skills I learned from most of my interests. It's just that I have an open mind to explore other abilities of mine and ready to take on various roles to meet others' needs (e.g how I used my skills in teaching English). Will I achieve my goal if I cut down the part describing how I jump from one interest to another and talk more about how I have integrated my skills to adapt and learn more rapidly? No particular interest impacted me profoundly but the experience of exploring my abilities and seeing how some other multipotentialites turned out gave me a sense of values and worth. One thing I would like to add to my essay is that I wish to inspire others who have the same identity to not feel guilty about their many interests and to start realizing their values in this world.

I still want to go with this essay because it does mean a lot to me to embrace my multipotentiality and prove that it can prevail instead of conforming to the specialist celebration culture. I will try to fix it in a way that it can leave the impression I want on the readers. I'd appreciate if you could ask some particular questions for me to really dig in and achieve my goal in this essay.

Thank you for your honest comment. I look forward to a positive response from you :)

Hmm... I'm so sorry it was discouraging. I thought it was an interesting, compelling read, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate as a response to the prompt.

Your first sentence/ paragraph states "I have always wanted to answer that question but did not know how to call out my identity." I read that to mean this is something that writing this essay prompted you to think about in depth for the first time. To me, if you had wanted to think about this question in the past, you would have come up with some way to articulate and define yourself. And clearly, you have found the words to do so, as you describe in your essay.

Perhaps something along the lines of "My life has been a quest to understand myself and how I am unique in comparison to others. This is something that I have long contemplated but struggled with articulating.

The best part of your essay is the last three paragraphs (excluding the question at the end). I think a good idea might be to explain the talk first, and then connect it to your life. You could say that you saw this talk about it basically smacked you in the face because it described you so well. Then, explain what multipotenitality means and how it applies to you and why it's important.

I think if you're going to stay on this topic, it might be better to use your space to explain how this has had a positive impact on you and why knowing all of these things makes you a stronger candidate/ student/ person than anyone else.I would also expand more on having an open mind and not being so limited in the potential you see in yourself. It reminds me of a chess game, where you have to think so far ahead and consider so many possibilities. Except you're not just considering how to win the chess game, but monopoly, and poker, and Call of Duty. And there's nothing wrong with that, except you're writing an essay on why you're the best at chess (to continue the metaphor there). I think you should say how these experiences contributed to your self esteem and goals, and how each thing you learn compounds on the previous things to change your viewpoints or impact your life in some way. Think about the superpowers discussed in the tedtalk you mentioned. Do you have those? How can you include those in your essay?

I actually really like your defiance of the norm and expected (and I see a lot of myself in your essay), and it's certainly a refreshing take but I'm still not sure if it's doing you a favor since colleges are generally traditional institutions. I've also seen this talk and loved it. I agree that it sucks to have to choose one thing in life and you're stuck with it (mostly), and that's why I chose a field where there is room for choice in what I do, and how and where I do it. Maybe it would be better if I knew what you were actually applying for.

Jen, so that you can continue to use / develop this essay for your use in your college application, I believe that it is not the essay that you have to adjust but rather, change the prompt you are responding to. At this moment, the essay feels like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. It doesn't make sense. However, if you change the prompt you are responding to, then the essay will make sense. I am suggesting that you change your prompt instead of the following:

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

As I reviewed your essay, I felt that you did a pretty good job on developing it but you were using it for the wrong prompt. If the university you are applying to will allow you to use the aforementioned common app prompt, then I suggest you do so that your essay will be better suited in content to the prompt requirement. Using the aforementioned prompt, you can edit the content of your essay to reflect the realization aspect of your Multipotentialite capabilities.

@Hiddengrace

Katheryn, thank you so much for your suggestion! That's so helpful. I will try to think about it and look for ways to improve. I will come back to the post in a month with a rewritten essay and hopefully, I can still get your feedback then :) Thank you again. Your response really boosted my morale :) What was your major? What field are you working in right now?

@Holt
Mary, thank you so much for suggesting a different prompt. Yes, I could see how my essay would fit in that prompt better. Is there anything else in my essay besides choosing a more suitable prompt that you think I can improve on? I'm applying for liberal arts colleges and thinking about Education major. But I'm still looking at other major options as well.