Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

Cambridge Centre for Sixth form Studies (interests, achievements, hopes)


Abdullahahmed04 1 / 1  
Feb 13, 2011   #1
Cambridge Centre for Sixth form Studies

Original letter of application written by the student, describing in no less than 500 words your interests, achievements and hopes for the future.

'You have to do something Abdullah'. Having to hear this every single day since the past two years, these six words probably make the most common phrase I have heard in my entire life. Or at least I think so.

And now, as I get closer and closer to finishing school and my O level exams, I know that the time is right to look for the most suitable college for my A Levels where I will be a perfect fit. And so, after endless searches, I came across CCSS. I went through the whole website and knew I'd be a good fit here which led me to write this letter of application.

I, Abdullah Ahmed, can certainly not be called an average Joe firstly because I believe in living and thinking out of the bubble. I feel that every idea is becoming a cliché in our society and we just keep repeating ideas. This belief has helped me meet new people and make new friends which has, in turn, made me more confident and focused.

It all started back in the 9th grade (after a very bad interview) when I realized I had to work on my interpersonal skills. And to do that, I started meeting new people. I started talking to and making friends with people of all ages. This, over the past two years has helped me a lot and has made me confident, mature and most importantly, I can talk to people now without any hesitation. I believe that this will help me make friends at CCSS and get to know people over there.

Along with that, I worked on my grades and put my all to improve my academics. I focused on studying and just about 9 months ago, when I gave my first two O Level papers ( Islamiat and Pakistan Studies), I worked tirelessly and all the hard work paid off when I achieved A* grades in both subjects.

Now, I hope and aim to achieve all A* grades in the remaining 7 subjects.

One of my biggest achievements will also have to include swimming. I've always been hydrophobic and in family gatherings, I always avoided going into the pool because of which I was made fun of. However I decided to overcome this fear and learnt swimming during my summer vacations a few years ago.

Then, since the summer of 2009 I have also been playing the guitar and have played it in a few events at school in front of an audience although I am still learning it. And listening to music has to be one of my favorite pastimes.

I also did an internship at local pharmaceutical firm 'Elko Organization' in summer 2010 whose certificate I have also attached. I was told to work in the Marketing Department where I met quite a number of people and learnt about the production process and all the stages a product has goes through before it is finally made available for consumers to buy. This was really interesting for me since I already have business related subjects in school (They being Economics, Business Studies and Accounts).

I also enjoy reading and prefer self help and fictional biographies. One of my favorite writers has to be Robin Sharma, Sherman Alexie, Nadeem Paracha (A local writer known for writing sarcastic articles on current affairs in local papers). Apart from that, I regularly read articles in newspapers, magazines and on the internet which shows I am a good reader.

Other than that, I have always enjoyed sports and physical activity but unlike most of the people in my school, I don't just play cricket or table tennis. I have been playing golf for 5 to 6 years now and it is one of the few sports I enjoy. Along with that, I play regular table tennis at home and at school. I also started soccer in the 8th grade and got together with a few friends and made a club as well. We played quite a number of games before we decided to call it quits.

I also enjoy English creative writing and am pretty good at it. At least that's what my teachers have always been saying. English has always been one of my favorite subjects and if given a chance, I'd love to write a book someday. Other subjects which I find interesting too include Math and Economics and that is the reason I plan to take Math, Economics and Law in sixth form.

Apart from all that, over the past few years, I have actively participated in extracurricular activities such as debates, scrabble, and chess.

This October I participated in Pakistan Scrabble Association's tournament where I stood 13th and our school came 5th out of the 120 schools that had participated. Furthermore I also took part in the 'Dawn in Education Spelling Bee' and represented my school. Along with that, I recently participated in the 'International Schools Education Olympiad's' chess competition where I unfortunately lost in the quarter finals. There was also an English Creative writing competition organized by 'Horlicks' in which I was chosen to represent my school. In addition to that, I have actively participated in debate competitions in the school and have won a few of them as well. As far as interschool debates have been concerned, I haven't participated in any as yet but there is one interschool debate competition coming up later this month where I have been selected to represent my school. I hope to do well in that.

For community service, I did voluntary work in summer 2010 at 'The Kidney Centre' which is a local NGO providing free healthcare to the poor in our country. That, I must say was a wonderful experience where I learnt a lot. I interacted with many patients there and realized what they had to go through and the poor healthcare available in Pakistan. I got to see a first hand look at the poverty in our country which inspired me to probably set up an NGO, if possible, in the future or in some way or the other, help fight world poverty.

I have also completed the Bronze and Silver awards in the 'Duke of Edinburgh Awards' and will do complete the 'Gold Award' later this month. All the certificates I got by taking part in these extra curricular activities have been attached.

In the future, after I graduate from CCSS, I plan to go further to the West to the States and study in one of the Ivy League colleges most preferably Harvard or Yale. And there I plan to do my masters in either Law or Economics. I am quite serious about it and will hopefully achieve the above mentioned.

I have chosen CCSS to be my only choice because of a number of reasons. Firstly, I believe that more teacher student interaction leads a better quality of education being provided and that is exactly what the college provides with small classroom sizes which lead to a better understanding between the teacher and student. Secondly, I read reviews about the college on various websites and each and every one of them were all praises about the college which really impressed me and in one of the main reasons why I am applying. CCSS has a good reputation. Thirdly, it is also among the leading sixth form colleges in the United Kingdom which once again is quite impressive. Also, I am really determined to study and complete my sixth form in the UK and have chosen CCSS as the college which will make it happen.

And so, because of all that, I don't see any reason as to why I won't be a good fit at CCSS and make it proud.
m00ny 2 / 20  
Feb 13, 2011   #2
Ok, some suggestions:

I, Abdullah Ahmed, can certainly not be called an average Joe firstly because I believe in living and thinking out of the bubble. I'm not really sure if living and thinking out of the bubble is the reason, powerful enough, to not be called an "average Joe". Write something stronger or change the sentence.

I worked tirelessly and all of the hard work paid off when I achieved A* grades in both subjects.

However I decided to overcome this fear and learnt swimming during my summer vacations in 2006. Then, since the summer of 2009 I have also been playing the guitar and have played it in a few events at school in front of an audience although I am still learning it. You have a time gap. Try to add something, or take out the date information.

Thus I can say I am a good reader. Rather say objective/open-minded or sth. similar.

Apart from all that, over the past few years, I have actively participated in extracurricular activities such as debates, scrabble, and chess .etc. . You don't want to show your laziness, do you?

This October I participated in Pakistan Scrabble Association's scrabble tournament where I stood 13th and our school got came 5th out of the 120 schools that had participated.

There asis also an English Creative writing competition organized by 'Horlicks' in which I was chosen to represent my school.

P.S I have attached all the certificates of the above mentioned extracurricular activities with the application. Instead of using "P.S.", just add it to the previous sentence. ("All the above mentioned extracurricular activities can be found ... ")

Till the ending of the essay, everything flows like it should. However, at the end, I/reader somehow lose that feeling. Also, merge those one-liners.

Some overall suggestions:
- add a few lines about CCSA, why is this your only choice.
- you didn't mention what you want to do in your life
- I think it would be a great idea, if you included what other friends/relatives think about you?
OP Abdullahahmed04 1 / 1  
Feb 13, 2011   #3
Thank you so much for pointing out my errors.
I'll edit it and repost it and I'd really appreciate if you tell me if it's better/okay now.
I have one question. Isn't the tone too casual and informal or is it fine for a sixth form application?
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Feb 19, 2011   #4
Use a comma for this kind of sentence:
'You have to do something, Abdullah'.

One Some of my favorite writers has to be include Robin Sharma, Sherman Alexie, and Nadeem Paracha (A local writer known for writing sarcastic articles on current affairs in local papers).

Capitalize: Internet

Try using the commas this way: English has always been one of my favorite subjects, and if given a chance I'd love to write a book someday.-----You do have the chance! Write a useful ebook about what you know best! :-)

I am so impressed! Surely, they will accept you. :-)


Home / Undergraduate / Cambridge Centre for Sixth form Studies (interests, achievements, hopes)