Ever since I was a child, I was told that life is like a racing competition. You study hard, you outsmart all other people, you achieve the first place, and you win the race. As a result, the purpose of studying hard is to win the race, be a champion, and bring advancement in life. This idea persisted until it was shaken down by an identity crisis.
At the age of 15, I was enrolled in a summer camp program, which was designed to offer higher-level courses to academic-potential students. The students in the program were all hand-picked from top middle schools in the city. They were what people usually called 'la cream de la cream'. Having always been a top student in my class, I often took pride in my grades, in my ranking, and I had been comfortably living in the identity of 'a top student'. However, in this summer program, the standard for excellence was raised. Everybody was highly intelligent and competitive, and the content of the courses was challenging. For the first time, I failed to understand what the teachers were talking; I was confused by the math or physics problems that seem so easy for other students; I was outsmarted by many of my classmates. Suddenly, I was no longer a top student. Instead, I became one of those who needed special help.
This came as a blow to my self-esteem. I still remember that after the first day of work, I had a good cry, and swore that I would never step into that classroom again. However, I carried through the summer camp anyway. After that bitter experience, the image of 'a top student' I created for myself collapsed. The pleasure and pride I used to get from learning, which were the motivation for me, was gone. No matter how hard I study, I would never catch up with those genius students. Hard work lost its meaning, because I would never be the champion in the competition. I was losing it.
Faced with the crisis, I was pushed to adjust my opinion towards the purpose of study and hard work. I kept asking myself: what am I studying for? Just for the sake of being the best in the class, winning the competition, and leading a good life? Gradually I realized that this assumption, which puts education under the context of competition, and builds the meaning of study upon the comparison with others, is wrong. Learning can be a thing valuable in itself. I still like what I am learning. I still feel the pleasure in solving math problems without being the best student. It dawned on me that instead of being a competitor in a race, I can be a traveler in the world of knowledge, simply enjoying the process of learning.
This shift of perception was subtle, but it changed my attitudes towards my study, and even my life. This crisis taught me an important lesson. Life could be a competition, but it could also be a journey. Working hard could be just a means to win, but it could also be an enjoyable experience in itself.
At the age of 15, I was enrolled in a summer camp program, which was designed to offer higher-level courses to academic-potential students. The students in the program were all hand-picked from top middle schools in the city. They were what people usually called 'la cream de la cream'. Having always been a top student in my class, I often took pride in my grades, in my ranking, and I had been comfortably living in the identity of 'a top student'. However, in this summer program, the standard for excellence was raised. Everybody was highly intelligent and competitive, and the content of the courses was challenging. For the first time, I failed to understand what the teachers were talking; I was confused by the math or physics problems that seem so easy for other students; I was outsmarted by many of my classmates. Suddenly, I was no longer a top student. Instead, I became one of those who needed special help.
This came as a blow to my self-esteem. I still remember that after the first day of work, I had a good cry, and swore that I would never step into that classroom again. However, I carried through the summer camp anyway. After that bitter experience, the image of 'a top student' I created for myself collapsed. The pleasure and pride I used to get from learning, which were the motivation for me, was gone. No matter how hard I study, I would never catch up with those genius students. Hard work lost its meaning, because I would never be the champion in the competition. I was losing it.
Faced with the crisis, I was pushed to adjust my opinion towards the purpose of study and hard work. I kept asking myself: what am I studying for? Just for the sake of being the best in the class, winning the competition, and leading a good life? Gradually I realized that this assumption, which puts education under the context of competition, and builds the meaning of study upon the comparison with others, is wrong. Learning can be a thing valuable in itself. I still like what I am learning. I still feel the pleasure in solving math problems without being the best student. It dawned on me that instead of being a competitor in a race, I can be a traveler in the world of knowledge, simply enjoying the process of learning.
This shift of perception was subtle, but it changed my attitudes towards my study, and even my life. This crisis taught me an important lesson. Life could be a competition, but it could also be a journey. Working hard could be just a means to win, but it could also be an enjoyable experience in itself.
