Okay, my essay basically sucks right now, and I have no idea how to fix it. First of all: it's way too long. The limit is 2000 char. I'm at 2200. I realllly need to cut it down! Also: I want to know if this is an appropriate response. The question asks what I had done for the last two summers. I've done a lot the last two summers, but I chose to focus on my experiences at a Temple I always volunteer as a counselor at because it shows the variety of experiences (horrible to uplifting) that I've gone through. I had a summer class, traveled extensively, went to literary conferences; all that good stuff. So do you think its ok to just... ignore that? It's all on my resume anyway...
Princeton Supplement: Describe what you did the last two summers.
Every summer, I invariably spend a week in a shady corner of Pennsylvania. _____ Temple, a lotus shaped temple nestled amidst the pastures and cornfields of ______ becomes my home for that week, its pink walls housing many of my treasured summer memories. For the last two years, I was one of ten counselors at the temple's annual summer camp for kids. From 7:00 AM to 10:00 PM, my fellow counselors and I shepherded the kids through teeth brushing, yoga, morning walks, Frisbee games, basketball tournaments, debates, prayers, and the occasional conflict between ex-best-friends. In between making sure that everyone had a buddy, I ran between buildings to make sure every water cooler was well stocked in the sweltering July sun and served the ever-hungry masses of children their food. I choreographed performances for the girls in anticipation of the camp's cultural show, and showed reluctant boys how to thread a needle during arts and crafts time. And at the end of the day, after reassuring the kids that there were no monsters lurking the hallways, I joined the other counselors at late night meetings to discuss what the next day would entail.
Some of my memories of Vraj, however, are bittersweet. Four days into my first week as a counselor, my grandfather passed away. The next morning, I was in a car crash on the New Jersey Turnpike as I was driving with my father from ______ to the funeral. I've been blessed with blissful summers, filled with carefree bicycling and frequent ice cream outings, but these recollections are interrupted by those two ugly confrontations with death. I still flinch at the thought of how that day could have played out otherwise - what if I had hit one of the many trucks also on the road? My mother and siblings would have to mourn not only by beloved grandfather, but two more deaths, at the funeral that afternoon. The thought still gives me pause, even after all these years.
And so, my recent summers have been filled not only with summer camps and poolside lemonade but also more somber lessons of the frailty of life. Mixed in with uproarious summer nights and capturing fireflies were summer classes and dark reflection.
Also: what do you think of the final paragraph? Should I end things better? Please be excruciatingly cruel! I need you to rip it apart!
Princeton Supplement: Describe what you did the last two summers.
Every summer, I invariably spend a week in a shady corner of Pennsylvania. _____ Temple, a lotus shaped temple nestled amidst the pastures and cornfields of ______ becomes my home for that week, its pink walls housing many of my treasured summer memories. For the last two years, I was one of ten counselors at the temple's annual summer camp for kids. From 7:00 AM to 10:00 PM, my fellow counselors and I shepherded the kids through teeth brushing, yoga, morning walks, Frisbee games, basketball tournaments, debates, prayers, and the occasional conflict between ex-best-friends. In between making sure that everyone had a buddy, I ran between buildings to make sure every water cooler was well stocked in the sweltering July sun and served the ever-hungry masses of children their food. I choreographed performances for the girls in anticipation of the camp's cultural show, and showed reluctant boys how to thread a needle during arts and crafts time. And at the end of the day, after reassuring the kids that there were no monsters lurking the hallways, I joined the other counselors at late night meetings to discuss what the next day would entail.
Some of my memories of Vraj, however, are bittersweet. Four days into my first week as a counselor, my grandfather passed away. The next morning, I was in a car crash on the New Jersey Turnpike as I was driving with my father from ______ to the funeral. I've been blessed with blissful summers, filled with carefree bicycling and frequent ice cream outings, but these recollections are interrupted by those two ugly confrontations with death. I still flinch at the thought of how that day could have played out otherwise - what if I had hit one of the many trucks also on the road? My mother and siblings would have to mourn not only by beloved grandfather, but two more deaths, at the funeral that afternoon. The thought still gives me pause, even after all these years.
And so, my recent summers have been filled not only with summer camps and poolside lemonade but also more somber lessons of the frailty of life. Mixed in with uproarious summer nights and capturing fireflies were summer classes and dark reflection.
Also: what do you think of the final paragraph? Should I end things better? Please be excruciatingly cruel! I need you to rip it apart!
