Cancer research is important to me - UBC PERSONAL PROFILE APPLICATION

What is important to you? Why? Max 1500 characters

Throughout my life I have learned many things from teenagers my age to elders who have experienced it all. One thing that has stuck with me from everything I learned is caring for others no matter what circumstance they are in. My grandmother was one of the prominent figures in my childhood as I was growing up. When she was diagnosed with lung cancer that greatly impacted me because her presence in my life decreased. When my family and I went to visit her in India we were heartbroken. All the chemotherapy that she had to go through, and the side effects changed her completely. This inspired and encouraged me to do something on her behalf and others because of what she told me. Which was to "care for everybody and help them through their tough situation". This sparked something inside me to help bring that awareness of cancer to others and try my absolute best to help cancer patients. I then decided to join cancer care society in high school to try and raise money for the Cancer Research Society. This club has a special place in my heart because putting on events, fundraisers, and putting up info posters reminded me of my grandmother. In CCS we like to stand out from the rest by putting on unique fundraisers and workshops to raise the money. My role in the group is the tresurer and I would help by budgeting the money for our events and calculating how much we earned from them. As a small group we would help each other out as well by taking on extra duties to take loads of others. Some of our memorable events included the bubble tea sale, the interactive health and wellness survey, and our info poster. Informing our school about the impact cancer has on our society and how we can help them. CCS encourages students from the school to share their thoughts on cancer and is a safe space to talk about their personal experience with the impact of cancer. All these events help us raise hundreds of dollars that would be donated to the research center to help those with cancer and take one step closer to a better world.

I feel like i am not completely answering the question properly so i was hoping for some help. I have also passed the word count so if there is anything to take out please let me know.

Wel... Yes and no. Yes, you answer the question with a hyper focus on cancer, but I do not see how it is related to your interest in your chosen course. So there is a disconnect there. You need to create a connection. There is also another approach you can take to writing the essay which is focusing on introducing your character merits to the reviewers. These merits should be based on interests outside of the academic, since your grade records will be provided to them. Discuss your interests beyond academic or academic related interests. Develop your personality on paper. What do you care about? You can mention your grandmother's cancer, but not on the scale that you have it at right now. Summarize it and present it as only one of your many interests that you consider important to you.