Career goals: see the side of things you never expected to see

What are your career goals and how do you expect your education at the Art Institute of Seattle to help you attain them? In what ways will you participate and commit to your education in order to be successful?

Overall, I plan on creating something that people will enjoy and use my skills and talent to make something that I can be proud of. I want to show people the side of things they never expected would be there, through film. High School has been challenging for me, and I know very well that it shows through my grades. I believe this is my chance to push through that fact and show everyone what I really am capable of. My commitment to education and success at this school will include my strive to complete the projects and tasks that give me the sense of fulfillment that I love. I've been told that I'm the type of person who puts their whole heart into things that I'm passionate about. Going to this school will be one of them.

I feel like I need some kind of a stronger ending. And the second to last sentence doesn't feel right.
Any ideas?

Sorry - I can't find what I just answered you, Marcus. (I hope the EF mods can!!)
Top of mind, I wrote that you should answer the prompt about your career goals, what you want to do in film and specifics about the Art Institute (like what courses, special depts. extracurriculars will enable you to succeed in film.)

Also, that the part about your highschool grades is unnecessary. Doesnt' help your essay.
Good luck!!

What do you mean? I saw the other thread where you pointed out that the same essay was posted twice. BTW I recently discovered the poet that I assume inspired your username. He is great...

Marcos/Vanessa, please please don't post the same essay twice in different threads, if indeed that is what happened.

High school is not a proper noun:
High school has been ...

Strive is not a noun:
My commitment to education and success at this school will include my effort to...

The second to last sentence doesn't feel right because of a little mix up... a person that puts her whole heart into things about which she is passionate.

I've been told that I'm the type of person who puts their her whole heart into things that she is passionate about. --- or... things about which she is passionate.

:-)

This was like the film adaptation of "The DaVinci Code" - Completely pointless.

You are about to embark upon perhaps the MOST creative of fields there is and this is should show your PASSION to pursue that masterful field of imagination and aesthetics and science and what not.

I want to show people the side of things they never expected would be there, through film. What SIDE of WHAT things?!

I plan on creating something that people will enjoy Like? More importantly WHAT DO YOU ENJOY? To see, to create, to visualize!?

Rework. This is too pedestrian! Show passion!